Breaking the Mold and Being Grateful for Your Story: Tiffany Dowell-Lashmet

Bunny: 0:02
Hi everyone. This is Bunny Terry and the lifesaving gratitude podcast. This is where we share a lot of stories of a little bit of brokenness, a lot of hope and a lot of gratitude. And we also talk a lot about writing our own story and choosing our own powerful ending. Today I’m joined by my co-host and producer Johanna Medina, who also happens to be my daughter. And we’re joined by a very special guest, Tiffany Dowel Lashmet. Did I say that last name , last name correctly. Okay. Okay. So Tiffany and I grew up with Johanna in the same small town in Eastern New Mexico. Um, and she very purposefully, to me at least. And I think she’ll say that some of it was accidental, but she purposefully wrote her own story and a pretty amazingly happy ending. And, and we can’t, we can’t wait to hear how she did it as well as how she’s now raising her two children to live in a lot of love and gratitude and to write their own stories. Um , and as a quick intro, and it’s not very quick because she’s so accomplished, but like I said, she grew up on a family farm and ranch in Eastern New Mexico, out between Tucumcari and Logan. Um, she has a bachelor of science degree from , um, Oklahoma state university in agribusiness farm and ranch management. And she has a law degree from the University of New Mexico. She authors, the Texas agricultural law blog and hosts her own podcast called ag law in the field. She’s also a contributor and I couldn’t believe he did this because I read this my whole life. She’s a contributor to Progressive Farmer with a column called rural roots. She , she writes with a lot of humor and love about being a parent to two, small children who are actually very close in age. Lives in the Texas panhandle with her husband. They raise cattle and sheep and , uh , and uh , and a new puppy. Right. Am I, is there a dog in there?

Tiffany: 2:28
Yes, there’s there’s everything’s here. Yes.

Bunny: 2:32
Um , she loves to run, read water ski, and she also writes a blog called always a farm kid. So we’ll, we’ll give everybody those links, but I want to start. Tiffany, I remember back in the day when you and I were some of the only people who seem to be writing blogs and you wrote this great blog called “Figuring Out the Plot,” and it reminded me of a greeting card that I had seen, and maybe this is where it came from. That said, my life has this amazing cast of characters I’m just trying to figure out the plot. Now tell everybody about that blog. And, and you were so transparent and so vulnerable. It was so cool. I want people to hear about that.

Tiffany: 3:16
Yeah, no, that’s exactly where that blog title came from. Um, I started writing that back in 2009, which like you say, I feel like that was pretty early kind of, even in the blog space. Right. Um, and I started, it sort of had a lot of things going on in my life. Um, I had just graduated from law school and passed the bar exam. Um , I was starting my first like big kid job at a law firm in Albuquerque. All of my friends were getting married. Um, I was still very single. Um, and then my ag teacher who I was super close with, like a second father to me , um , was dying of ALS. And so I don’t process emotion very well. And I found that writing was probably the, kind of the way I was able to process some of that that was going on. And so I started writing that blog. And like you said, I mean, I sort of covered a little bit of everything, right. There were like interviews of my friends and I did, you know, like here’s where I traveled and what restaurants we would eat at. And then some more deep stuff about like, here’s what I think about this faith issue or whatever. And it just sort of gave me a place to really process. Um, and it was kind of an outlet for me. So that’s where it started. And I wrote, I wrote on figuring out the plot for, I guess, six years. And then once I got married and started having kids, it sort of felt like, well, it’s kind of time. Like it’s a little bit of a different chapter. Like maybe I figured out the plot out, you know? And so then I switched to , uh, always a farm kid.

Bunny: 4:42
Well, I loved every bit of it and it just, it seemed, it was so fresh and it was so true. And you never, you know, I, as I recall every once in a while, you’d go out on a date and you’d be like, wow, what , what , why? I mean, it’s the same thing as I wrote about in my book, you know, when you’re single and you’re thinking, why is this not working for me? And then the most magical stuff happens.

Tiffany: 5:06
Yeah, no for sure. I did. I had , uh , I had , um, one of my favorite things on that blog probably was its thing I did called letters to Mr. Right. And I would write, like I wrote these little letters, right. Like while I’m on these bad dates or while I’m like, again alone at another wedding, you know , um, and they were really fun. And it’s funny now to look back at some of those, like, I mean, some of it, there was one in particular that like, it sort of describes my life now. I mean, it’s crazy how that kind of, I dunno , manifested itself or whatever, but yeah, it was a lot of fun.

Bunny: 5:37
So tell us where you are now.

Tiffany: 5:39
Yes. So, so now, like you said, I’m, so I’m married. Um, I did find Mr. Right. And he got all the letters. Um, so we live in the Texas panhandle. Um, we have some land over here. Like I said, we raised cattle and sheep. We’re still involved pretty heavily in my parents’ farm and showing operation as well. I worked for Texas A&M , um, and what I would definitely consider my dream job , um, doing agricultural law work for them. Um, so that’s a lot of fun. I’ve got the two little ones who, like you said, they’re five and four, so they’re 13 months apart, which is chaos and a half. Um , but they’re great. They’re really fun. And so, yeah, that’s kinda what I’m doing now. Like you said, I still write , um, I guess, you know, my topics have sort of shifted a little bit as I’ve become a mom and my life has changed, but I think I still use it for that same purpose. Right. To sort of , um, kind of process different things that are going on. And then the other thing I think is, I don’t know , maybe it’s just me, but I have kind of a bad memory, I think. And so I want to remember some of the stories, right? Like I want to remember the times where we saw a miracle happen or the times where I was hoping one day to have this, you know, house in the country and these kids running around. So I think it should really good to like use as a tool to just remember like what , um, how things have worked out, like the good that has happened. So

Bunny: 7:02
Right. And I think , yeah, it’s sort of like what Johanna’s doing with her podcast , uh , cold coffee life, where she’s talking about being a mom of a new baby. I don’t, I just think mom’s stories are so powerful, not just for you, but for the people out there who think, you know, everybody else’s life looks perfect.

Tiffany: 7:24
Yes. Yeah. I can listen , I can soapbox on this forever. But so I, I had my first baby and I’d never really, like, I’d never been around babies. I mean, I had like watched like little kids kind of, I’ve never been around babies. I didn’t know. And I’m real like type a, like get to work, like we’ll make, we’ll make this work, you know, and I, thank God. I had one friend who was really honest with me and said like, listen, this may be really hard. I had a really hard time. And if that happens, like you need to know it’s okay. And like, she only kind said like that one time. Um, and I had my first baby and I had a really hard time. I had some postpartum depression. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. My kid was, had acid reflux. It was terrible. I mean, I was drowning. And I’m telling you that one line from my one friend, I just think save me because it was like, I knew she was a good person. She was a good mom. And if she felt like this, it was okay that I felt like this. And so that’s, I try to be pretty vocal about that. And I do think I share some stuff that’s, you know, maybe not the highlight reel and that’s always kind of my purpose behind it because man, somebody may need to know. Right. Like it’s okay that you feel like this or it’s okay that this is happening because it happens to a lot of people. And if we don’t talk about it, we don’t know when we feel like we’re alone.

Bunny: 8:42
Yeah. I think it’s, you know, we’re not all Instagram moms. I mean, we don’t all have Instagram lives. That look perfect. In fact, I would venture to say that no one does. Right.

Tiffany: 8:55
That’s it. Right. I mean, you’re getting a snapshot of everybody’s reality. Nobody’s posting the story when they’re like screaming at their kid. Right. Or the kid’s like throwing food at the table. I don’t post that. So if we’re, you know, I just think we’ve got to share a little bit about this. Cause I can say, I just think , um , I think that it is a real danger for us from a mental health standpoint, from a faith standpoint is feeling like we’re alone. And like we’re the only one that’s dealing with. Whatever. So that’s something that I , I try to be pretty cognizant about.

Johanna: 9:23
Yeah, I appreciate that. Because I think that is just, you know, society now. We do have just that highlight reel on Instagram or social media, wherever, and you’re only seeing the best parts, but we also have that opportunity and the platform to show the reality. And like you said to tell people you’re not alone in this and it is hard. Nobody goes through parenthood or life without some struggles. So.

Tiffany: 9:52
Absolutely.

Bunny: 9:53
Well, and I don’t there’s much hope in striving for perfection. I think, I think the hope comes from striving for a lot of love and , and giving your kids great memories. You’re doing, you’re doing an amazing job of that, but you’re also teaching them a lot about, I love those pieces where we hear about their , how you’re teaching them about faith. And I went back and looked at your blog and you talked about , um, your, how you lost somebody that was close to you to COVID and what did your kids do? It was fabulous.

Tiffany: 10:26
Yeah. Yeah. We had , um, we had a family friend who it was actually a husband and a wife that both passed away from COVID thirties . It was terrible. I mean, it was just, it was just a shocking, yeah. It was a shocking thing. And so we had been praying for them and that’s something that I’ve tried. I’m not the best at it by any means, but I’ve really tried to model for my kids. It’s like, when something is going on, we have to pray for people like interceding is really important. Right. So I mean, to the point, like we see an ambulance go by and we pray or we see the medical helicopter and we pray and like quick little things, but I just, I want to teach them that sort of empathy and that, and the importance of interceding anyway. So we’ve been praying for this friend of ours, who’s in the hospital and then praying for his wife when she got admitted to the hospital and then he passed away and I felt like we had to tell the kids, right? Because like, we’re not, we were praying for them to be healed anymore. And so I told him , I , my little boy immediately said, well, mom, we have to get him an angel. Like we have to make them actually, he wanted to make them a papier-mache angel. And I’m like, you got the wrong mom for that. Cause I don’t. Ya know, we’re not breaking out the papier-mache, but we went, so I took the kids, I loaded them up and we went to like the hallmark store and they picked up one of those Willow tree angels and they gave it to this guy’s family. And I think I’m sure it meant a lot to the family, but really meant a lot to me too , to see, because sometimes you wonder, right? Like, are these things I’m doing? Are they catching on? Because a lot of times, right. We’re praying at bedtime. And I’m like, we’re trying to read the Bible story. And I’m like, everybody hush, quit talking, get your feet off of her. You know? And then we’re trying to pray and I’m like, Hey, we don’t goof around when we’re praying, like, you know, stop whatever. And I’m like, is this even getting through? So to see sort of glimmers like that, if like, wait a minute, it is working like there they are learning. It has been really cool.

Bunny: 12:16
Well, and Braun insisted on giving them a , something with a dinosaur as well. Right. Because,

Tiffany: 12:21
Well, of course, right. If Braun is involved, there’s a dinosaur involved. Um , and that’s a funny story you said kind of at the beginning, but you talking about like letting your kids write their own story. And I sort of am just coming into that. Cause he’s five. Now my daughter is four. And so they’re sort of starting, like I’m seeing their interests . Right. And Braun it’s bonkers. So this time, last year when quarantine happened, right. And I had to start working from home, add both kids at home and I had to do my job. So I basically had to just stick them in front of the TV. And we , I put them in front of a PBS kids show called dinosaur train. They didn’t, he didn’t know anything about dinosaur until he started watching the show. I have a paleontologist now, like I swear to you , it’s the craziest thing. And so yeah, he wanted to send them a picture of this dinosaur and there was something about why he chose that one. And I don’t know anyway, but yeah, so that was funny. So they got an angel and a picture of it was some like dinosaur, you can’t even pronounce that. He was very proud to send them.

Bunny: 13:17
I couldn’t pronounce it. I couldn’t tell you what it was because I still get . Yeah , no, no, no. I, I think that’s pretty amazing. But , um, you also did this really cool thing recently where you went to UNM and spoke and the things that they. Talk about that because I , I was so touched by what you wrote in the blog. Um , and I have it word for word, but , um, talk about doing that, about how you were sort of surprised at what you ended up speaking about. I mean, that’s what it felt like to me.

Tiffany: 13:50
Yeah, no, that’s exactly what it was. So I went to law school at UNM, loved it, had a great time. I mean, super happy to give back to them however I can. And so one of my professors reached out and said, Hey, would you come, just do a zoom and speak to this kind of externship class we have , um, we want you to talk about kind of what you do. Cause my job is really pretty unique and I had some really cool like , um, summer jobs when I was in law school. So I sort of had in my head when I was going to talk about , um, and I got on that zoom call and in the introduction, she said, one thing I really appreciate about Tiffany is she’s really chartered her own course. Like she sort of always knew what she wanted. And she went after that, even when that wasn’t really the conventional thing to do. And I really, it sort of stopped me because I wouldn’t have ever said that about myself. But when she said it, I was like, huh. Yeah, I think I did do that. And then right, this goes back to where, like I have to remember these things. I started piecing together. Like I had four or five examples, I think just career-wise of where right, society or whatever would have told me to do one thing. And I did the opposite. Uh , and when I sort of tied all those together, I just thought, wow, like I made what would have probably you would have considered quote unquote, the wrong decision, but it got me, the life I wanted. And so I think by making those decisions that were right for me, it got me the life that was right for me. Um, and I just hadn’t put it all together until I spoke to that class.

Bunny: 15:16
Well, I want to read this there’s one line that you said that is so amazing. Um, where you said reflecting back on these events, they, they, they seem super stressful at the time. Right? I mean, I , you can describe some of them, but one of the things that you said could I have been successful and happy had I taken other paths? Sure. I think so, but I don’t think I would have been as successful or as happy because I just wouldn’t have been as much me. And I was like, I mean, we talked the other day. Um, our podcast two episodes ago was with a woman who talked, tell me if I’m getting the phrase. Right. Johanna. But she talked about living your life instead of your mind, you know, because we get so stuck in our heads about what we expect of ourselves that we forget to just be in our life instead of in our head all the time. Am I, did I get, did I say that right Johanna?

Johanna: 16:10
Yeah , that’s exactly what she was saying. And she was talking about how she had, you know, anxiety or , um, you know, some negative self-talk and her past or as a child and trying to get out of that to live the life she wanted to live. I guess, more of the life she wanted to live, then like what her mind was telling her that might’ve been negative.

Bunny: 16:33
I mean you had some huge choices. Tell us about those Tiffany. Cause you, you, I mean, conventionally, I mean you pass up a judge ship , right. Or , uh , um , what did I say? Am I saying that right ?

Tiffany: 16:45
Yeah . A clerkship. Yes . So there were, I guess three or four sort of that came together and I guess looking back, right. The easy thing would have been to make the decision that everybody’s telling you to make. And there were three or four times I didn’t do that. So one of them was in choosing a law school. Um, I was terrified I wouldn’t get in anywhere. So I applied like everywhere. Um, and I had decided I was going to go to a law school in Virginia , um, a top 25, like very highly ranked law school. I had a seat deposit. I had a house like I was ready to go. I woke up one morning and thought, I don’t want to go to , I’m not supposed to go to Virginia. I’m just not going. And so by noon I had called UNM and said, Hey, can I still have my scholarship? I had called that school in Virginia and said, I’m not coming. And I just totally changed the path of my life. Right. So that was one. Um, I had a two really good offers coming out of law school for , uh , firm jobs. So one was at a kind of boutique litigation firm in Albuquerque. The other was at a, again, a top 25, like international law firm in San Francisco where I had been a summer associate. Um , and that was such a great experience. I also knew that wasn’t really right for me long – term. And so I turned down like the six figure job in the big city at the fancy firm just don’t turn down. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah. Anyway. And so then the other one that you were talking about Bunny is I had , um , uh , offered to go clerk for a federal judge and I’ll make a long story short, but I wasn’t interested in clerking. Um , it just, wasn’t something that appealed to me. I was really excited about the job offer that I had at this firm in Albuquerque. Ironically enough, the firm I went to work for was the federal judges old firm. So it was like the two former law partners were like fighting about who was going to get me. And I know that the judge called my boss at the firm where I went and said like, well, just send her to me for a year. Like tell her to come here, pull your offer or whatever. And I was like, no, like I want her to come work here. So anyway, I just, I just knew that wasn’t what I wanted to do. And I , um, passed on the clerkship and that that’s crazy. I just don’t do that. I mean, it was like really shocking. And there was a lot of people had a lot of things to say, and I just knew it wasn’t right for me. And so, yeah, those are the kind of decisions that I sort of pieced together when I looked back sort of over the last couple of decades and was able to see.

Bunny: 19:05
Well, and I think that the cool one at the end was that you were, while you were at that law firm and they were settling a huge case, this other, I would suspect your current opportunity came up and you walked away from what was going to be quite a payout. Right?

Tiffany: 19:21
Big. Yeah. Yeah. So at the firm I was at , um, and it was a great firm. Like I, I always want to say the people, I love him. I mean, they are the best, I wouldn’t have left for anything else, but my dream job came up. Right. And I get this email across my desk and I’m like that if I could write a job description, that’s it. I also knew there were about four of these in the country and it’s not going to come up again. Somebody’s going to get it and stay forever. And I had to do it. And so we had these big multimillion dollar cases we were working on, they weren’t settling at the time, but we sort of knew what was on the horizon. And so if I stayed, it would have been a big payout. I mean, no , no question. Um, and I left and they settled about a year later and um, yeah, so I still was still the right decision. I would not change anything that I did. It was still , um, I mean, it got me this job that I have now. And like I say, I just, I passed on the conventional like stay and take the money and got the job that I kinda always wanted. And so, like I say, I wouldn’t change it. I mean, I would, I don’t know what would I do with that extra money anyway. Whatever.

Bunny: 20:27
Right, right. And at the end of that blog, you just say, follow your heart, say yes to the things that lead you to your dreams, not the dream someone else tells you that you should have. And so, and what I see happening with your kids online is that that you’re teaching them to do the same thing. You’re empowering them to , to live a life that may not look like everybody else’s life.

Tiffany: 20:54
I hope that’s true. Yeah. I mean, I do, I really want to try to foster their interest . Right. And I’ve written about this before too, but I feel like my parents were really good at that for me, especially my dad, especially my mom too. But , um, I, you know, when I played basketball, my dad who never got to play ball because he had to run a farm. When his dad died, when he was super young, my dad would come out and help me shoot free throws . Um, I run, right. I I’ve run several half marathons. And like, my dad will check the weather. My dad has never run a step. Like he thinks it’s dumb. But he’ll like, check the weather for me. You know? And my mom will call and be like, now, listen, I know you’re stubborn. Like, don’t give yourself a heart attack trying to finish this stupid race that doesn’t matter. You know? And so, but they’ve been like things that interest me, my parents got interested in. And I think that from a parenting standpoint, that’s a really good gift you can give your kids. Like Bunny, I don’t care about dinosaurs. I could not care less. Uh, all of a sudden, like I know all these names and my kid quizzes me and I answer his questions, you know? Um, and it’s because it’s something that interests him and I want to foster that for him, finding what, like, you know, what’s his purpose and what’s his interest in whatever. Um, same with my little girl, right? Like she’s super into, you know , pink. And she says she wants to be a vet. And look, if she wants to be a vet, like we’ll do whatever we have to do to make sure she gets to do that. And so that’s something that’s really important to me.

Bunny: 22:17
What are your kids doing today? I’m curious.

Tiffany: 22:19
Oh, they’re at school.

Bunny: 22:21
Okay.

Tiffany: 22:21
Oh yes. Thank goodness. Yeah. So my little boy is in pre-K. Um, and that’s been an adventure and then Harper goes to a little Montessori school. Um, yeah. So they’re both at school.

Bunny: 22:34
Well, I was really interested in the way that they got interested, especially Harper when Ruth Bader Ginsburg passed, she was, she was wearing her t-shirt. I mean, she was sporting something really cool.

Tiffany: 22:46
Yeah. Yeah. So we , um, I mean, I try to talk to them a little bit about what I do. I mean, when your mom’s a lawyer and you’re five, I could there be a more boring job. Like no one cares. I’m not a paleontologist. Like I don’t, you know, I’m a police officer, like it’s boring. Um, but we’ve talked a little bit about the Supreme court justices and she’s got this shirt and it says, well, she has got a couple, but one of them says, don’t call me princess, call me your honor. And it’s got a picture of the four female Supreme court justices. And so she knows just a little bit about them. Like , um, she calls Ruth Bader Ginsburg . She calls her RBG and she knows that she died. Um, I think Sandra Day O’Connor is probably your favorite because she’ll always say like, Oh, she’s a cowgirl. So , um, so again, like I try and, you know, I get really annoyed when people try to make things political. I don’t , they have to be political, but look , the RPGs , the Sandra Day, O’Connor’s, those women opened a lot of doors for women to do whatever, whether you want to be a vet or a lawyer or a school teacher. Right. And so I think it’s important to teach our kids about that kind of stuff. I mean, we’ve got a book about , um, Melva. I can’t think of her last name. Melva was the first female lawyer that argued at the Supreme court. And we read about that. And I think too, this is important. I read that not only the Harper, but I read it to Braun because we got, we had to teach our boys this stuff too . Right . And, and , you know, you think back like the first woman that graduated from UNM, that’s , hasn’t been that long ago, the first woman that ran the Boston marathon that, you know, that was in like the fifties. I mean, this hasn’t been like something that we’ve always had this ability in these opportunities. And I want to make sure that they realize like how important that is

Johanna: 24:23
I’m trying to do the same thing with Milo too . Even. I mean, he’s only eight months old, but we have like baby feminist book, we have like little activists book. I’m like, okay, it’s just so cool that that’s out there now. Um , we do have books like that. We can read to our kids. And I agree, even though we have little boys, they still need to hear about , um , great females. And I mean, of course Milo’s is being raised by two moms, so he can’t avoid that. But , um, yeah , I think that’s awesome. And just the, I mean, your whole journey, what Bunny was saying, like, it just took a lot of courage to kind of go against the mold and that’s just such an awesome model for your kids. That’s inspiring, inspiring to me too.

Tiffany: 25:07
Yeah. What am I going to say? I really do. Like when I, when I thought back on this , I just thought like, what , how did I, like , why did I do that? Why did I feel like I could do that when I think other people maybe don’t. And I really think it’s because I grew up with like such a supportive family. I mean, I don’t think it matter what of those decisions I was going to make. Like my parents, my friends, I’ve got friends who are amazing, like I’ve got aunts and uncles. And, you know, I talked about my ag teacher who always was like pushing me to, you know, do stuff. I didn’t think I could do. I mean, he, he like would believe in me when I didn’t believe in myself yet. And so I think that that background and that support systems, or gave me the strength to do what I needed to do , um , and make some of those decisions that were crazy.

Bunny: 25:45
Well, and can we, I want to talk about that for just a minute, because I’m really grateful and I’ve written a lot about the teachers that I had that changed my life. I would love to hear more about that piece.

Tiffany: 25:59
Yeah, no, I can give you, I mean, Mr. Franklins , um, for sure. One of the biggest influences on my life, I mean, probably if you, outside of like my parents and my Gran , who was my grandma who lived next door, I would say he was probably the biggest influence on me. Um, and he was like the, you know , vocational ag teacher, FFA instructor. Um, in fact, so when I was a little kid, I went to school at San Jon, which is like one little town in our County and that’s where he was the ag teacher. And then he moved to Logan. Right. Which is the other little town. And we followed him, like the reason I went to high school at Logan was we went with Mr. Franklin. Um, yeah , cool. Yeah. That’s how I ended up there. Yeah, yeah, no, that’s why we went there. Um , and again, I was the right decision my parents made and I , I give them a lot of credit for that. They sort of knew that ag was really a strong interest of mine. FFA was something I was really passionate about. I was really good at. And so I ended up there and I ended up like winning. I was state star farmer and FFA. We won several , um , like we reserved national champions at a couple of judging contests at a great showing career. Um, and I really, I credit all those things to Mr. Franklin, but more important than all of that. Like I really think he taught me to like really believe in myself when there were things that, you know, I, we we’d switch and have to judge a different contest after we won. And he was like, of course you can do this. Like what a dumb thing that you don’t think you can do that, you know what I mean? And so , um, I just think, I think he expected a lot and I think that , uh, it was really important to me to sort of work hard to make him proud. Um, and I guess I probably still feel some of that. I mean, I think about that sometimes my little boy’s middle name is Franklin after him. And so that , yeah, so he was just a huge influence on my life. Um, yeah. Yeah. And then there were, I mean, there are other teachers as well, right? Like there are several teachers , um , at Logan that were great to me. I mean, Ms . Filpi was like my second mom. I mean, she, my mom never signed a permission slip in high school. Jan Filpi signed all of them for me. Like it was whatever , I mean, so, you know, and , and there were, you know, Ms. Hibner was great. She was my , um, uh, English teacher. And so we talked about like a love of writing . We, I think she helped kind of hone some of that. Um, yeah. So, I mean, and the other thing is I’m from a family of teachers. I don’t know if you know this, my mom and my dad, both sides, the entire family is teachers. Um, except my dad, I guess like my dad’s dad, both my grandmas , my, my mom’s dad, all my aunts and uncles. Um, so I sort of like went against the grain on the family business. Right, right. Didn’t become a teacher. And so , uh , I just had a lot of respect for, for what teachers do.

Bunny: 28:33
So tell us what you do really specific. I love the idea of , um, the fancy Sunday dinner. I don’t know if you guys are still doing that seemed like something to get a break from COVID but tell me the things that you do that are a piece of your gratitude practice and, and something, you know, we always want people to walk away with some, some practical ideas. Um, can you tell me a little bit about that?

Tiffany: 29:00
Yeah, sure. So I sort of, I always try to do something that is kind of gratitude practice related. And I, when I sat down to think about this, I wrote out a few different things. I’ve done. It’s , it’s morphed over the years, but I think there’s some cool ideas in here. Um, I always have a journal going, I’d always journal. And usually it’s like quotes from podcasts or books or whatever. So I just always sort of keep that going. Um, I think that having the blog is part of it too. Right. So like when we were, I’ve prayed for some kids that were sick this year and when miraculous things have happened, I’ve blogged about it. And I do that again to remember it. Right. And so , um, I think that’s part of it too , uh, during , uh , COVID I, during lockdown, when everything was just a mad house , I started doing just a gratitude post today . I called it my like, COVID gratitude journal, and I would do one picture on Facebook and I would try to list, you know, three or four things I was grateful for. Um, and it’s one of those things.

Bunny: 29:56
Yeah. And I want to say Tiffany, that, that kind of gave me goosebumps when I, when you were doing that, because I thought, think, think how powerful it would be if everybody, instead of, instead of posting something political or posting something, angry about a masker or a non masker , or this craziness that we surrounded ourselves with. You did this amazing thing where you showed us a picture of your life and said, here’s what I’m grateful for today. And I thought, wow, wouldn’t it be, could we make that a rule?

Tiffany: 30:32
Yes, no, I know that it , it changes your mentality, right? Like when you’re looking for that every day , you see it. And I think that if everybody was looking for that, we could see it more. Even if we disagree, you know, like I have friends, I mean, my, my Facebook is chaos. Right. Cause I am from a small town, rural, rural, New Mexico. Right. Super conservative. Went to law school at UNM, worked for a summer in San Francisco. No matter what issue happens, it’s like every other post is the opposite. I mean, it just will make you crazy. And I just think what if we could all get on the same page about something and maybe gratitude’s the thing, right? Like what if, no matter what your political beliefs are or your religious beliefs or your, you know , family situation, whatever, what if we all just focused on something we were grateful for? And I tell you what I think we would see is a lot of the same stuff. Right? Like I think that whether I’m living on a farm in the Texas panhandle or in Santa Fe or in New York city, I bet you that we all are grateful for a lot of the same things. And we’re so busy yelling at each other about what we disagree on that we don’t realize that.

Bunny: 31:37
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. I , and I just think that was I , and I know there was something else you were going to bring up and talk about and I stopped you because I thought that was so powerful.

Tiffany: 31:47
Yeah. No, the other thing I was going to talk about the family dinners.You know, growing up, my parents were great about, we all ate at the table, like sat down to dinner every night and I was failing at that miserably. Cause we’re, I’m trying to survive. You know what I mean?

Bunny: 32:00
You’re locked up with your kids.

Tiffany: 32:02
Yes. It was awful . So we started doing fancy dinner on Sundays. Like on Sunday night I will make something, you know, nicer than like everybody get a sandwich and chill out. Right. So I’m cooking something good . We make dessert. The kids set the table with like, we don’t use paper plates. Like we use the real plates, they get to drink out of wine glasses. They have chocolate milk in their wine glass. Um, and we do it every Sunday and it’s been, it’s really good. Right. Like I just think it shows them, you know, and we do. We talk about like, what are we grateful for? We pray before we eat, we do these things. I think to just show them like, we’re going to stop and going to take a minute to sit down as a family, like recognize all the good that we have. All the good that we see. And this is if that means we need chocolate milk out of a wine glass. Well, that’s what we’re going to do .

Bunny: 32:50
That is so fun. I got to tell you, this is the start . One of the things that somebody really wise said to me when my kids were little was, you know, your only job is to get them strong enough to leave home and to make good memories with them. I mean, that’s the thing that makes, makes kids the strongest. And I, and I hope that it, I hope that it worked out that way, but a lot of times when I was making a choice, it wasn’t because it looked like everybody else. You know, I was single, I had little kids and it didn’t look like what everybody else was doing, but it was sort of like, so we’re making a memory right now. And you know, we’re not rigid about it. We’re doing whatever works for them. I know a lot of it’s. I mean, it’s back to that Instagram life thing. People feel like they need to create these scenarios where their life’s going to be admired by somebody else. And what it is is that you got, you just got to raise your kids to believe that they’re strong. You have to be, you have to be purposeful, but you have to be really, really , um, you know, really flexible when you have kids like that. Right.

Tiffany: 34:02
Yeah. No, I agree. And I’ll tell you that the best parenting advice I ever heard it was from a podcast. Someone had, as Beth Moore had told this to , uh , Lisa Harper who was another like Christian woman writer and her advice, you know , Lisa was Lisa Harper was adopting a kid and she’s like, what’s what do I do? Like, give me your advice. And Beth Moore said, say yes, more than you say no. And man I’ve tried to adopt that because I thought I can do that because listen, I’m type a , and I can get into, like, we got stuff to do. And we got to clean this house and unload this dishwasher. And I really try if I can say yes, I’ll say yes. So, you know, there are some nights where like they’re in their underwear, in the pool, in the backyard at bedtime and okay. Like, let them go, you know, if they want to , if they want to drag their sheep around, they’ve got lamps here now. And they’re dragging them around all over the yard. Yes. I can say yes to that. You know. They want to swim in the mud puddles. My little boy loves to swim in the mud puddles. Knock Yourself out, you know, as I really have tried to adopt that, like say yes, more than you say no, and that goes right along with what you’re saying, right? Like you gotta be flexible. You gotta try to make these memories. And that’s been a helpful way for me to do that.

Bunny: 35:07
Well, I want to talk – We just have about five minutes. Um, how, how do you feel you use gratitude in your business? The , the, you know what, I know that all of those farmers and ranchers out there, you’ve gotten some amazing awards. You’ve gotten a lot of recognition for what you’re doing. I know they’re grateful for you. How does that work in business?

Tiffany: 35:33
Yeah. So my job is interesting , um, in the, I said before, it’s my dream job. And so I think, I think that because I have that mentality and I’m grateful for that, that sort of spills over into what I do. Right? Like, I love getting to go do these presentations and talk to these farmers and ranchers. I mean, it’s, it’s fun for me. And I think people can see that, right. So if you’re somebody who’s just there, cause you have to be there to get the paycheck. Like I look, I get, there are seasons where that’s what you have to do. I know. But if you get a job where you really love it, and you’re grateful for that opportunity and you see it as kind of a calling or a vocation, I just think that spills out into what you’re doing. And so I think that I’ve been fortunate. Um , in that way, I, I had somebody, one time I gave a presentation and I called it things that keep Tiffany up at night. And I talked about like, you guys need to have your leases in writing and you guys need to have liability insurance. You need to have a, will like those sorts of things. Right. And the speaker after me got up and he said, like, I gotta tell you, like, when she says she’s up at night, worried about you guys. Like, I believe her. Like, I really think she means it. And I think that’s it. Right? Like I really do care. I really do love what I’m doing. And I think that when you’re grateful for that and you see it as opportunity, it just flows into what you do

Bunny: 36:49
Well. And when you come from contribution all the time, which is what it feels like you’re doing, then people just get it people.

Tiffany: 36:57
Yeah.

Bunny: 36:58
I mean, and you’re doing a better job. I, you know, I used to, when I would train realtors, I would say, don’t come from, where’s my next paycheck coming from, come from, how do I help? How do I help? How do I help? I mean, you got to get it right every time, but people get it. People know that that’s what you’re doing. They absolutely know that. Um, well, so I want, what would you say to your listeners today that you wish you had known back when you started that figuring out the plot blog? What’s I know that’s a question out of left field, but I think it’s a really, you know, we have , uh , we hope that we’re going to have a lot of young listeners, but we also have people who are in the middle of, of some sort of brokenness in their life. And I just, I always want to give people some hope, like, you know, where’s , where’s the place that , that they can find that glimmer and start writing their own story .

Tiffany: 37:52
Yeah. I think that’s a really good question. And I think what I would say is I think that you’ve gotta be, I only get it , I’m gonna say two things. The first one is I think that you’ve got to be disciplined about some of this. I think you’ve got to be disciplined about looking for the good and finding gratitude. And if you’re, if we’re coming out riding, right, like there are gonna be days where you don’t feel like there are days where you’re going to feel like there is nothing. I have nothing good today. Right? There’s no. And your book Bunny, there were some days where you would say, like , I didn’t write anything that day. Um, and I think that you gotta be disciplined right. Those days. And maybe, maybe those days are the ones that are the most important, right. Like in my quarantine posts , there were some days where I was grateful for a gratitude practice that made me look for the good, I didn’t find it, but I looked. And so I think, you know, and so I think being disciplined about it is one thing I would say. The other thing I think I would say is , um, by keeping a record, it helps you to remember. Um, and I , I truthfully, like, I look back and there are things that I have asked for that God has done. There are things I have asked for that, that haven’t been done, but maybe now I can see, like, why that was a blessing. Uh , there are things that were tragic and awful, and I still don’t understand why they happened. But I think by processing through that, thinking through that, being able to look back and see like, okay, here’s how I felt. And here’s how this worked . I think there’s some real value in that

Bunny: 39:13
I do too. And in fact, I think that, you know, there are two, there are two things that happen when you’re writing . Um, one of them is that you, you get, you create a memory, you know, you, but the other part is that you take all of that turmoil. And we talked about this yesterday, when I did a podcast is you take all of that turmoil and you put it somewhere else and, and you, you kinda take the power away from it. So, especially, you said something really wise when you said, especially on those days when you don’t feel like doing it, it’s, it’s smart to do it. Um, it’s I also recently started a book called burnout where they said there, there are a whole lot of different ways to take care of stress. You know, one is to, to have , uh , you know, to be , uh , get some affection. One is to go for a walk, but one is to write it down, let it go, put it away. And, and, and at some point, like my book, it will become a powerful piece of how you make sense of your life. And I got to tell you, Tiffany, that, that text that you sent me where you said, I’m really liking your book. I’m giving my kids popcorn for dinner. I was one of the funniest things I read in a long time.

Tiffany: 40:25
Yeah, no Bunny, I’m telling you, like, I’m not a super fast reader. Like I just have it on my Kindle and I’ll just try to read a few minutes a day. I got into your book and I legit was like, okay, kids, extra TV time today, you’re having popcorn for lunch. Like, don’t come in here. It was so good. And I told people, one of the reasons I loved it right. Is I knew the people you were talking about. So of course I’m like, yeah, I could see that. I could see that they did that. Like, I could see them saying that right there, but it was just so good at like, you’re such a good writer. And I did. I just totally blew my kids off for that day. So lest you think I’m like mom of, the year after we’ve talked today, I just threw popcorn at them. And I was like, I gotta finish this book. I can’t, I can’t deal with you today.

Bunny: 41:04
And you know, what they’re going to remember is that you read and they got popcorn and everybody was happy. I mean, that’s the stuff that we’ve got to get as parents is. I told, yeah, I was, when I was talking to Johanna, I was on Johanna’s podcast and we were talking about giving your kids a gratitude practice. And I said, one thing you got to remember is that your kids are just grateful to spend a minute with you. Always.

Tiffany: 41:31
Yeah, no, I think that’s exactly right.

Bunny: 41:34
Well, we have talked for a long time and I’m sure we could do this again. Tiffany, thank you so, so much for taking time to visit with us and , talk to people out there who need, who need to hear how to write their own story and how to develop a gratitude practice with their kids. I’m so I’m so grateful you’re here today.

Tiffany: 41:55
Yeah. Well, thank you for having me. It’s a real joy for me to get to do this.

Bunny: 41:58
All right. Well, we’ll do it again. Um, I do want to thank everybody for joining us. Thanks again to Tiffany. And , um, we’re going to , um, put a little plug in the description, a link to your blog. And I’d also like is the , um , progressive farmer piece online.

Tiffany: 42:20
Yeah. They post him on progressivefarmer.com. Um , and I also post all of them on my blog as well. So you can, if you go there, you’ll see all of them.

Bunny: 42:29
And what about your podcast ? Where can people find that?

Tiffany: 42:32
Yeah, my podcast is called Ag Law in the Field, so it’s pretty , um, topic specific, but if you’re interested in legal issues facing agriculture, you can find us anywhere you listen to your podcasts.

Bunny: 42:43
Nice. Nice. So , um, I’m going to ask everybody to come back next time for our next episode, I’m going to visit with Hue-Chan Carols who came to the United States as a Vietnamese refugee in the seventies. And she’s been incredibly successful. She’s going to talk about the , um, influences that she loved the women who influenced her in the refugee camp. It’s fascinating stuff. And I’m just so grateful for all the guests who agree to show up and help me inspire everybody out there. Um, be sure to , uh, you know, subscribe, rate, review, come back . We’re looking forward to seeing you again, take care.