The Acceptance of Gratitude: Leasa Medina

Bunny: (00:02)
This is Bunny Terry with Lifesaving gratitude. And today on the podcast, I have a special guest. Who’s also a special person in my life. Leasa Medina, who just happens to be married to my daughter is also, someone whose story will inspire you. She works now as a Clinical Social Worker and she has a private counseling practice called North Star Counseling. But Leasa came to this brave new ending of hers to use Brene Brown, phrasing in a pretty circuitous way and had to learn along the way, um, how, not only to love herself, but also how to be mindful in ways that I think like gratitude or really Lifesaving. I have Johanna on the podcast who who’s also my producer. I mean, what’d you think of that conversation, Johanna? I thought it was amazing.

Johanna: (01:16)
Yeah, I think it was, I think it was great. I mean, obviously I wanted Leasa to be on the podcast. I might be a little bit biased in thinking that she’s a great guest, but, I think it was cool for her to have the chance to talk to you too. And to our guests. You know, a lot of people who listen are friends and family and they might know her, but they might not know, that kind of professional side of her and her beliefs as a therapist and her practices. You know, she talks a lot in this episode about mindfulness and how she works with her clients, which I think is going to be, hopefully very helpful for our listeners, but we also, you know, get to hear a little bit more about her life. And, she does have a very interesting and multifaceted story and, and I mean, she doesn’t even get into all the details in the episode, but, definitely somebody who, again, like all of our, all of our guests have had such different, you know, journeys and I think different things you can pull from each of them. So, yeah, I’m glad we got her on. I know she was a super nervous, of course, you know, to be on a podcast with her mother-in-law and I was sitting there right next to her. You don’t really hear me on the podcast because I just didn’t want to make her more nervous. But, yeah, I thought it was, I thought it was great. And I know you pulled out a lot of good nuggets from that one too

Bunny: (02:46)
Well, and I just want to give everybody a preview of a few things that I wrote down. She talked about noticing things, noticing people, noticing thoughts, without judgment. She talked about, how to control that annoying gnat of self judgment that we all have in our ears. She talked about learning to be gentle with yourself and how, through a gratitude and a mindfulness practice, you can start each day with a clean slate. There were, there were a lot of nuggets that I think, well that I know I’m going to take away and put to work. And the cool thing about when we do a podcast, Johanna, is that I learn so many things I have when we start these podcasts, I have a preconceived notion about what every single guest is going to say, and I’m always surprised and delighted and so grateful that, um, you know, we end up sometimes with guests that, um, I thought things were going to go one way and they go completely a different way. And I, I spend the rest of the day thinking, wow, I had no idea. So that’s what today is, it’s, it’s a gift I’m so grateful that she agreed to be on the podcast.

Johanna: (04:08)
Yeah, me too. And I was going to, I kind of wanted to jump in when she was talking, but again, I didn’t want to, you know, get anybody off their train of thought or anything, but, um, I think the mindfulness piece is a big part of this episode. And we’ve actually talked about it a little bit before, like with Daphne, in a little bit with Carrie, we talked about those automatic thoughts, so it’s all really tying together and, um, definitely go back and listen to those episodes if you haven’t before, because I think it’s really like kind of starting to build on each other, but also, you know, Leasa really taught me about mindfulness too. I mean, again, we went to the same school and we’ve had a lot of, I mean, she’s, she just has a lot more, uh, insight on that. And, but, uh, I think what I was trying to go in to say is, I think mindfulness is becoming more mainstream and more people are hearing about it, but they don’t really know what it is or like how to put it into a daily practice. So I loved that she, you know, has taught me that she has taught a lot of her friends and some of her family about that. And so now we’re kind of hoping to spread that and I think she really puts it in a way that is easy to digest and easy to implement into your life. And I think, you know, again, it also relates to what we talk about every episode about gratitude and having a gratitude in your daily life. And the two really go hand in hand.

Bunny: (05:38)
Well, what I would say, is I’m so grateful that she came on and I know that everybody that takes the time to listen today is going to be as well. So let’s just jump right in with my special guest today. Leasa Medina. So Leasa, I I’m, I’m so excited to interview you today because I know that your story is one of, having a life that looked at a specific way, and then you you’ve ended up in a place that I suspect, I don’t know, may look completely different from what you thought your life would look like. I don’t know. I don’t, I don’t know if when you were 12 years old, you thought, wow, I really want to be a clinical social worker, helping people develop mindfulness practices. But, um, let me tell our guests a little bit about you first. Um, you got your BA in psychology from UNM, right? And then you got a master’s in clinical social work from New Mexico Highlands. You’ve been in the field of behavioral health for 15 years and you’ve worked as a clinical social worker for six years and, and then eight years as a supervisor in different capacities. You’re also the owner of North Star counseling. Tell us real quickly before we begin. Exactly. What does North Star counseling provide?

Leasa: (07:11)
Oh yeah, that’s a great question. Thank you. Right now individual therapy, predominantly in like this via tele-health and hopefully one day to grow into in-person services, but mostly right now, individual counseling for adults and adolescents.

Bunny: (07:31)
And, we’re going to talk about a lot of different things, but I’d love to hear from the outset, what it is you love about individual counseling, because I know that, um, you and I know each other because you just happened to be married to my daughter. But I’m so proud of what you’ve created in the last year. You were in a different setting, supervising counselors. And the thing that I knew all along was that you really, your heart really is in helping people on an individual basis. And through the, through the shutdown, through the COVID, through the pandemic, you were able to start providing tele-health to individuals and that grew into a need to create that North Star counseling. So I really want to hear what it is that you love about individual counseling, how it feeds your soul and how it, how it takes care of other people.

Leasa: (08:34)
Yeah. You know, I think to dig in more, I did spend a long time providing clinical supervision, admin supervision, and really trying to foster a good education system for therapeutic providers. And in that I enjoyed getting to see the progress other clinicians made, but I also felt a tinge of, I guess you could say, jealousy of getting to work directly with clients, and I really missed it. And I noticed that so much just missing that direct contact, because often I tell clients that I feel this job quote, unquote job, because I don’t feel like it’s work is a privilege. And I think right there is where it really feeds the soul getting to work with someone, having somebody really commit to doing their own self work and seeing the growth that blossoms through that process. And so for me really about the individual work in this practice, which I’m still kind of a little mind blown that it’s real, to be honest with you, is invigorating. I mean, it’s, it’s really about, I see the gift that an individual can give a client, a therapist and a client, this gift between the two of saying, okay, I will walk with you during this time, which is really scary. And I have no idea what direction we’re doing, or where we’re going necessarily, but getting to have someone say, I choose to work with you is an honor. And I think that that really for me, is what the individual work is about.

Bunny: (10:12)
Well, well, and you’re helping to change lives, Right? That’s the goal.

Leasa: (10:19)
Yeah. Yeah. I’d like to think so at the end of the day, I don’t know. I mean, I feel like there’s just such a therapy, so weird individual therapy, group therapy, any kind of therapy. I feel like it was really awkward and weird and saying, hi stranger, here’s my life, um, helped me and really disclosing some of the most deep dark parts of ourselves to someone you don’t necessarily know. And it can be really awkward and uncomfortable. And I really try to spend time meeting individuals where they are, because that discomfort and taking a moment to say, what is it that you need the most right now? Um, and I think individual work can be really complex and murky if you will. And so I try really hard to look at offering clarity and comfort, even in a brief amount of time.

Bunny: (11:07)
Wow. That’s a great word murky because, murky is a really, really, what a great term to use for how people, show up in therapy. But I think that you are really qualified to do this work. Not just because you’ve been trained, not just because you have your BA in psychology and your master’s in Clinical Social Work, but because there are pieces of your life that, that have been a bit murky and you I’d love for you to share your story as much, or as little as you feel comfortable with. But I think it’s always, always helpful for people who listen to, to understand that you have a lot of empathy for the people out there right now who might be struggling.

Leasa: (12:01)
Yeah. I think I’ll start out by being honest and saying, you, you mentioned something in the beginning about, I might not have imagined that this is where I would be in my life and I can definitely say growing up, I never thought we didn’t, I didn’t even think there was such thing as a podcast, but also that I would be sitting here with you or, you know, just in this space of, of being able to even have this conversation. Yeah. I never expected that in my story. I think my story, the key term mode give to it was survival for the most part. Um, and it’s not one that I share often. I know there are moments with clients. I say, I speak to you as a human who understands how difficult it can be to be a human and how it can be painful at times, um, as opposed to, oh, I’m a clinical person just talking from a book. But in my story, I think there’s been a couple of key items that have helped me through some of those murky times. But as a kid, I grew up in a lot of chaos. I grew up in and out of shelters with my mom who was an addict and struggled her hardest to be a strong person and be present and live life to the fullest. And in that story of mine, I guess you could say she played a gigantic role and showed me a lot of beauty, even in things that are ugly or things that are painful. And that was something that really helped me growing up was to always look for, I guess, like that, cheesy silver lining, um, but also look for, there has to be, it just could never give up and believing there had to be good somewhere, even in painful things. There had to be something that was good and beautiful and making the choices to see that beauty, um, was definitely a lesson I learned in my youth, I guess you could say. And that story, I think, has really been a fuel of mine to try to spread a good, as much as I can, even if it’s one person, one, one individual, then I would consider my life a success in being able to say that all the pain growing up as a kid who lost a lot, um, wasn’t for nothing, so to speak. And I think that also is really a part of, even the name of the private practice north star was my mom always told me when I was a kid, if I ever got lost, uh, to look to the north star. And I really hope that that’s something clients can feel when they make the choice to say, I want to feel better. I think that that always stuck to me even after I lost her when I was 12, I would still look to the north star, um, and conversations that I would have. And so that little star, which seems gigantic, I guess, is pretty huge in my story.

Bunny: (15:01)
Well, and the, and the thing is it’s, it’s a constant, you know, like the north star never changes. It never goes away. It’s, um, you know, it seems like a point that you can fix on, um, both literally and figuratively. So, when we talk about where, where you’ve ended up, I mean, what you were, you finished high school and you went into the military as a way to further your education. Let me know if I’m getting any parts of these stories wrong, because you’re just a story that is going to give so many people so much inspiration.

Bunny: (15:44)
Oh, thank you. That’s thank you. And I guess it’s something that I often minimize. And so, yeah, so I didn’t really have a way to pay for school, but I was always driven to graduate high school and go to college, which is something my mom wasn’t able to do. And I found a way to me for my bachelor’s by joining the New Mexico air national guard. And so I moved back home and I said, okay, this is what I’m doing. And I joined the guard and that was how I really navigated through my undergrad. And it was pretty chaotic. I would work three jobs at a time at one point and went to school full time. And just doing everything I could to try to just make it to that, that finish line, make it to the end. And then it was, I remember being there and being like, I can’t believe I actually did this. I was, I was. So I think there was many moments in my life or reflecting like, wow, I really still can’t believe I finished college. And, had a very successful career. I’d like to say successful in the military. As it was a, it was a really good foundation for me and it gave a lot of opportunity. And I just, I ran, I ran with it. I figured out what I had to do and spent a lot of time also trying to figure out who I was as well during that, I guess you could say chapter

Bunny: (17:16)
Well. And did you know at the time about being mindful or did you have an idea of what your career choice was going to be, or because I, because I know about survival, I don’t know about survival in the same way that you do, but we all have a survival story of it. And I’m just curious if, you know, a lot of people are in the middle of survival. In fact, I just talked to a coaching client this morning and she said, I have been so in survival mode that I’ve forgotten to me be mindful about where my life is going. I’m curious about when you, when you knew or when you made a choice to be really mindful about where you were going. And sometimes, sometimes we don’t even know that that’s happening. Sometimes we don’t know that that practice is developing.

Leasa: (18:04)
Yeah. Oh gosh, no, I didn’t even know what mindfulness was during that time. I really, I don’t, I think I knew I wanted to do work that helped people, but I don’t know if I believe I even had an idea of what that meant. I remember I came back from deployment when I was in the guard and I had this, this conversation with a supervisor of mine. I was a…

Bunny: (18:28)
I was going to ask you where you were deployed because I think that’s good for people to know.

Leasa: (18:32)
Sorry, where was I deployed. Yeah, no, I was deployed at, in UAE United Arab Emirates. And it was like living in a fishbowl. I, I I’ve heard from buddies of mine now that it’s grown, it’s different, but it was like living in a fishbowl and it was very, uh, taxing, I guess you could say in the least of having the Groundhog day syndrome, if you will. And I remember coming back home and talking to a supervisor of mine is because I was a bartender and server before I went and trying to get my job back and go back into quote unquote, normal life. And I remember thinking I can’t do this. I can’t act like the last few months of my life. The last five months didn’t exist. Wasn’t real. And go back to life as is if that time didn’t happen. And I found a job. That’s how I got started in this field, working with teen moms in a transitional living home. I had no experience and I took a leap and the universe caught me and gave me an opportunity. And I didn’t even mindfulness wasn’t anywhere in my knowledge at that time. But to answer your question about when I found mindfulness was actually when I was in grad school and I had this epiphany before starting my master’s in social work, I wanted to be a youth attorney and I hit this moment where I was like, this isn’t what I want to do. I’ll be stuck in meetings. I’ll never get to have direct work with clients. And I’m very grateful for the moments that I had working direct one-on-one with youth, because that really showed me this isn’t the right path. Leasa, wake up, listen here, hear what’s going on. And so I went into social work and during that time, I had an experience where I was given, um, a practicum in a dialectical behavior therapy agency. And that’s when I was introduced to mindfulness. And it was intense, this thing that I didn’t even know what it was coming into my life and just taking over in such an amazing, crazy, intense way. Um, and it was, it was interesting. I spent a good month, 30 days committing to the practice and making myself meditate for 30 minutes every single day. And it was so rough. It was so hard. I learned, I don’t think I like silent meditation, but I also learned a lot of the different facets of mindfulness and that it doesn’t have to just be sitting in silence, but that it’s really about paying attention to yourself, increasing awareness of everything around you and listening to a lot of those moments and conversations internally of like, ah-ha!

Bunny: (21:19)
I don’t know about you, but I had, there was a long, long period of my life probably until like a year ago or something where I w there was a long period of time where I wasn’t completely comfortable with sitting with myself or with knowing myself very intimately. I remember a lot of books that I read in my twenties and thirties and forties that, um, you know, were about getting into good relationships, not just with a significant other, but with, with friends or with truthfulness, um, where it suggested that before you can know somebody else well, and before you can be a good partner and before you can be a great friend or before you can be a success, you really have to be completely at ease with yourself. And I don’t think that we’re taught that very well. And it sounds like that’s part of what you had to struggle with and get through and get proficient at.

Leasa: (22:20)
Oh yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, I tell clients often that this is a, a lifestyle choice. Like to me, this mindfulness is a lifestyle, and committing to, it means that you’re also committing and choosing you really, and choosing a healthy you and a whole you, and, I can say it’s very uncomfortable, many times sitting with yourself and, and looking, and, and the biggest part of it is having kindness to you having lovingness to you. And I think that it can be so intense and I’ll be honest, there was many moments in my life where I didn’t love me or accept me. In coming out as a gay woman, um, was really hard, being in the military when don’t ask don’t tell was very much in place, was very scary and terrifying. And I don’t think I really gave full acknowledgement to, some of the intensity of that was to hide a lot of me. And it took me a long time to really love myself again, actually Johanna and I were talking about it just last night. And I said, I don’t think I truly fully found love for me until maybe even two years ago, as it’s been such a journey for myself. And I’m very grateful that mindfulness found me, then I found mindfulness and accepted that lifestyle and threw myself into it because I don’t think I would’ve ever been able to fully get there without that commitment to my own self and to becoming whole it’s intent. Instead of, I joke that it’s probably one of the most intense roller coasters you could ever choose to go on.

Bunny: (24:09)
So can, can we talk a little bit, little bit about that? I just, I think about, I always think about who we’re talking to. I always think about the people that are listening and I mean, coming out had to be,, I mean, I don’t, I don’t have a point of reference for how difficult and challenging that was for you. But can we talk a little bit about, you know, if there’s somebody who’s listening, who’s having difficulty with any… Just talk to us a little bit about how, how to best process, how to best get to the other side. I don’t, I don’t even feel like I’m saying this correctly, but can you just tell us a little bit more about your story? I know you had family that made that difficult for you.

Leasa: (24:58)
No, first of all, I just want to say, I appreciate you asking the difficult question, because even asking it is hard. And I feel that the answers are never easier the same. I have some clients that I work with who are many different ends of a spectrum that is always growing and molding that I still have to be honest and say, I don’t know, will you please educate me? Um, and I think, yeah, it was a very difficult process. And one thing I feel I love about our community is that each of us have such a unique and beautiful story because we’re all individuals and none of it will ever be the same for anyone. Um, but I guess the thing I would really want people to hear is that no one is alone in any of it. I remember very much in high school, two girls who were bi and being ridiculed and bullied and tormented. And I remember saying I will not do that. I knew at a very young age, but I also in high school was joined junior ROTC. So I could, I found out that if I did that, I could go into the military with rank and I thought I would get a ROTC scholarship. And that was my golden ticket to college. And knowing that my future was the military, I did not want to be gay. I didn’t want to be gay. I couldn’t accept it for myself for a couple of different reasons, but, there became a point where I started feeling suffocated and that I was drowning and I thought, well, I could maybe be kind of gay and can hide it and I can have two lives. And, and that was poor, poor young Leasa, because as I look back now, I want to say, oh, sweetheart, no, like I really wish, I really wish I had someone like a big gay, loving mama be like, it’s okay. Darling. Like, that’s not a real thing, but, that’s okay. You know, we’re saying that now. And it took a long time too, of having to finally say, yeah, no, there’s no middle ground of, of the gayness for me. Like, and so I had to really slowly come to my own understanding and it was difficult. You know, my, my grandma was always been my rock solid person. She struggled with it really hard and it was weird for me because my father’s gay and I felt that he was much more accepted. And for some reason, for me, it didn’t feel as accepted. And it took us four years. We never talked about it for four years after I came out when I was 18. And it was just an undiscussed thing. And it was interesting as I grew in my own comfort of not just being gay, but also how my gender didn’t fit the way society says a woman should look and that I wasn’t the most feminine person. And then that was a whole nother, I feel like that was my second coming out because I had to then become comfortable in my own looks and in my own body. And I get mis-gendered all the time as a male. And that’s frustrating. So I can understand for some individuals who are in the gender affirmation process, what it’s like to be mis-gendered, I’m like, no, I’m very much a woman, please don’t be afraid of me in a bathroom. As I, you know, those are real things, but I have a choice to try to meet society’s needs to make society feel more comfortable by looking feminine, or I can be who I am, and I make a choice to choose me and love me. So I feel like when it comes to lifestyles and choices, that our choices are always we can hide and we can hurt ourselves, or we can love ourselves. And then unfortunately, sometimes have to deal with society’s hurt. That’s and then it’s a lifestyle choice that helped me come to that. Lovingness was through mindfulness and choosing to have that practice is very much ingrained in my daily life.

Bunny: (29:12)
Well, Leasa, we say all the time on this podcast, that stories save us. And I think that that part of your story is a really, um, I mean, that, that can save somebody else’s life and, you know, it can be something as huge as, a listener being afraid to acknowledge they’re there, whether, you know, whether they’re gay or not, or whether they’re comfortable with their body. I think that that what you just said about, learning to love, the way you looked, as opposed to how society thought you should look, that’s such a, I mean, that’s a gift that most of us don’t ever get is being comfortable with the way that we look and, or the way that society sees us or the way that society feels like we should be. So if you were, you know, if you were a 16, what would you say to your 16 year old self now about how mindfulness could change your life?

Leasa: (30:21)
Oh, that’s an intense question. Yeah, I think I would introduce mindfulness to that 16 year old self by saying, do you notice that discomfort, that really weird pit in your stomach, when you see that crush of yours, that you really want to go hold her hand, um, just notice that discomfort and know that it’s not because you are not good, notice that discomfort and sit with it and recognize where it wants to take you as far as behavior and action, um, and in that be gentle to it and, and be loving and kind, just notice without judgment is what I would really tell 16 year old self in a mindfulness way, because that’s the biggest part about it is noticing and increasing awareness without judgment, with true, just acceptance of what is, and then noticing and choosing a path of healthy correction, if you will. I think that’s what I would tell that. And please, please save your favorite t-shirt as now it would be a collector’s item and coming back into style.

Bunny: (31:40)
Well, that’s a great way to put it. So I wasn’t looking at my phone just so you know, I was writing down the part that you said notice without judgment, because that seems like a sort of a quote that you could put, you know, on one of those little things that you buy at Hobby Lobby that you put up in your hallway, it’s sort of, if you can notice your own life without judgment and your own self, and then you can, and then you can somehow transfer that to the way that you treat the rest of the world. I mean, if we could notice life and lives without judgment, what an amazing place we would live, what an amazing life we’d be in, right.

Leasa: (32:26)
It would be so kind. I feel like it would be a lot of fluffy bunnies and just happy people and lots of hugs. If someone wants a hug and really good lemonade, that’s never too tart or too sweet. I think it would be great.

Bunny: (32:41)
So do you still have a mindfulness practice all the time?

Leasa: (32:47)
I do. I make sure that I use it every day as an active practice of trying to center with a cup of coffee. I also use it a moment right before I come into a session with every client of releasing the past session and giving thanks to the work that was done there and imagining literally a clean slate before I walk them another client into a session. I use it in every single day if I notice any weird tinge in my stomach, because that’s where a lot of I’ve learned a lot of my emotions sit and sitting with it in the discomfort. That’s one of the biggest things is having to daily practice of sometimes sitting with discomfort. And anytime I noticed that annoying mosquito, Nat of self judgment or critique come in, I say, I hear you not today. I notice you. I am good. And I have to give myself my own self love mantra at times. You know, there’s two things I ask every single client. One is to try, just try. And then I say to be gentle to you, most clients tell me, oh, I don’t know about that one. That one’s going to be really hard, which is why I always say, I know that’s why I start with just try, just try. I tell individuals every day, something I tell myself, which is be gentle to you.

Bunny: (34:19)
Well, I wrote down a couple of things while you were talking. When you said you come into sessions and you, you say thank you for the last session for the work that was done, and now let’s begin with a clean slate. I think that’s one of the, I mean, that’s one of the gifts that, that, um, I hope that, um, gratitude gives us, which is, you know, w you know, when I wake up every morning and I say, thank you, thank you. Thank you. And then I think this is a completely new day. Every moment is enormous. This is the only moment we have. And all of those moments yesterday, they’re done. I mean, they’re, let’s start with a clean slate start from here. Don’t you think that’s powerful to start with a clean slate each time you start to talk to a client?

Leasa: (35:20)
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And even in times, when I noticed individuals struggle with seeing positive, I give them what I call it, positivity challenge, or even a gratitude challenge of one week. I was starting every single day. Instead of let’s say, you’re in the shower, you start your day of planning your whole day, okay, I have to do this, this, this, or reflecting on something you did wrong the day before, actually making a commitment to starting each day, reflecting on the day before of, and finding a positive, something you felt great about, or that you achieved and starting each morning with gratitude really of, I did well with this, and I did good here, and I’m happy about this and not bringing any negativity over from the day before. I also commit to doing it with them every week when I challenge them.

Bunny: (36:15)
That’s a great one. I just read this great blog posts by, somebody that I follow and, you know, it’s, this is such simple stuff. And we talk about it over and over and over, but you know, some of the blackest clouds have the most silver linings, but what it requires is a perspective readjustment sort of like that picture that you look at, there’s a black and white picture that you can look at and you either see an old woman, or when you, when you shift your perspective a tiny bit, you see a beautiful young woman. I, those are challenges that you see all the time on the internet. And it’s, and it’s just a perspective readjustment, but what’s, you’re talking about is the same thing. You can either spend your morning thinking, oh my God. You know it’s like when you wake up in the middle of the night, and you think about all the stuff that you all the mean things you said when you were in the third grade, or you can think, wow, here are the three things I did yesterday that were amazing. And here’s, today’s a new day. Today’s a clean slate. How can I be grateful? How can I do something I’m grateful for tomorrow?

Leasa: (37:25)
Oh, absolutely. Another Leasa-ism, if you will, that I’m developing. As I like to tell individuals, when I hear, well, I’m not really good at this, or I could be better here. I say, what if we were to change that to an area of growth for me, or an area I’m choosing to expand in, just even the way we phrase our own words about ourselves can make a big difference there. And I feel that those commitments make a huge difference. And it’s really about having, even in discomfort, the gratitude of an opportunity to grow.

Bunny: (38:02)
You said another thing that was really, really, and a light bulb went on where you said, when I feel that annoying gnat of self judgment, I was like, oh God, that’s, that’s a great phrase. Because it is an annoying gnat and it’s always buzzing in our ears. It’s all, we’re always self-talking. I just feel like if I could have learned I’m 60, if I could’ve learned 40 years ago to not listen to that annoying gnat in my ear that said, you’re not tall enough. You’re not thin enough. You’re not pretty enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not any good with money. All of that stuff was a lie or all of it didn’t matter. How do you deal with that annoying gnat of self-judgment yeah.

Leasa: (38:54)
With that, with that commitment, with that commitment to noticing it, and then not having, not allowing the judgment noticing. Okay. I’m hearing the, self-critique following it and saying, why is it so loud today? And this is kind of a mindfulness practice. Why is it so loud today? Uh, oh, okay. I’m feeling some anxiety. What’s coming up with the anxiety. Okay. I see the, the trigger there it is. Okay. And when that trigger, when that anxiety happens, I know my go-to is maybe that self-critique because that’s my fuel. Maybe that’s the motivator, that’s the gas that gets me to go forward and then close that deal or make good money, or you name it, insert thing here. Sometimes I’ve noticed in myself and others, that that self-critique is, is like fire. It gets you to move, make movement happen. But to just take the moment to notice it and say that doesn’t have to be the only fuel source. There could be other things, um, like starting each day saying, I feel good about me and, and kind of doing that super human super hero pose, you know, and feeling that strength from, within you of good as well.

Bunny: (40:11)
Wow. I love that too. That’s that doesn’t have to be my only fuel source. That’s really, I’m writing down a whole lot of stuff that you’re saying here. Well talk to me…

Leasa: (40:26)
I say this, I say this. I feel like, you know, when we look to others for validation yeah. That it’s, it’s really like a generic battery that makes us feel good for a second. But that may be a way of looking at even gratitude for our own selves would be considering instead of a generic battery from someone else, a solar panel in us that, that our internal belief system, our internal validation, our internal gratitude is never-ending source of energy. If we choose to really believe in it.

Bunny: (41:05)
It is you’re so right. Last week when we talked to, my prior guests, Guadalupe Goler I brought up that she wrote a blog post, where she said, where she said, I’m really, really grateful for myself. And I want to say to clients every day, be grateful for yourself instead of hard on, you know, if we were our own, if, if we had a boss that spoke to us in the same tone of voice that we use with ourselves, we would have all quit the job a long time ago. Yeah. I think we got to learn how to be grateful and mindful of ourselves.

Leasa: (41:47)
Yeah. And that’s why, you know, I know sometimes it’s, some individuals might feel like it sounds cheesy, but I genuinely say to clients, every time I talk to them, be gentle to you. I won’t lie. It’s also a reminder to hold myself accountable. So I’m not a hypocrite, um, to, to be gentle to me as well. And that that’s such a big deal. It would be so wonderful if all of us just were born automatically grateful for ourselves and not critiquing ourselves. But unfortunately we, become these little things that critique and analyze and look at others and compare ourselves. And it’s just so harsh. And I think that’s another thing about choosing gratefulness, choosing mindfulness, to notice opportunities, to have self-love, to have kindness and to then also hopefully model that and give that to others as well.

Bunny: (42:42)
So, Leasa, I know that, you know, because we know each other on a personal level, I know that you’ve suffered a lot of loss. Um, I know that, um, you know, one of the biggest losses and all of our lives, but certainly in yours was when you lost your grandmother a couple of years ago. And I’m just, was there some gifts that she gave you, in terms of seeing life, you know, she was such an adventurer. I’d love for you to talk a little bit about what you’re grateful about from her.

Leasa: (43:18)
Oh my gosh. Yeah. Barbara Medina was a force to be reckoned with that’s that’s definitely for sure. She did so much for this community in Santa Fe. And I mean, she was just, she was huge in a lot of different ways of being an advocate. And I could say one of the things I was most grateful for in the gift of her, she was a gift to anyone and everyone was to sometimes let your inner child run to let that inner kid go on a road trip to not be cooped up sometimes with responsibilities, I will never forget moments. She would come. And, you know, when I lived with her say 18, she’d come over and be like, I got to get out of this house. Let’s go. And she would just jump in a car and go with no direction. And just her smile and happiness, her commitment to helping others was also a gift and gigantic shoes to fill. I will not lie. There’s intimidation there, but just her selfless-ness was huge. The one thing I can say is also a gift was learning how to take a compliment. I will. I always, we used to argue with her, like, just take a compliment, grandma, you know, but then I would hear myself being like, oh yeah, no, thanks. Yeah, it’s okay if no, and brushing it off and seeing that and learning how to say. And even, even now, in many times, even this week, I had a client. Tell me, thank you so much for, your support. Thank you so much for this. And I appreciate you. And I would normally be like, yeah, no, no, this is my it’s why I’m here. But, and I said, thank you. I appreciate that. I will accept that gift. And then being able to be humble and say, I hear your words and I appreciate them. And I accept, I accept this gift. I accept this compliment. You’re giving me, and it can be really uncomfortable, but that was, there’s so many things that she showed me and taught me. But that was definitely a moment of her never, truly, I think, accepting all the work that she did as being as huge and wonderful as it was, and being kind of dismissive of her impact on people’s lives. And I would just say that was one of the biggest things. If we could all take the good that we do for others, but not in like the selfish way, but just in saying sometimes we can be gifts to people and recognizing that.

Bunny: (45:45)
Oh, I think that we’re really bad about, I mean, I think that’s something that we’re not mindful of. I mean, I had to learn, it took forever for me to learn a couple of things and one was to be able to take a compliment, but I just want to tell you, because I want to give her her due. Whenever people say to me, oh, what was Barbara like? I’ll always say, Barbara was the woman who took burritos, who made burritos and took them down to those guys around the Guadalupe church who were waiting for work. I mean, he was, she is the person who always, if we went to a restaurant, she went back in the kitchen and said, you guys have something that I can take down to the homeless shelter. I mean, she was fearless in her advocacy for other people, and yet she would not allow us to say, Barbara, you just made the best key lime pie I’ve ever had. So, that’s who she was. And what a gift that you got that. Yeah. Well, how cool is it that you got her, in the midst of a life that you said was, was chaotic?

Leasa: (46:58)
Oh, absolutely.

Bunny: (46:59)
And it’s sorta like, I want to be that, and I’m sure you, do you want to be that for somebody else?

Leasa: (47:07)
Oh, definitely. I mean, she, in the midst of chaos and the murky, um, I found a lot of light in her, in her voice and her just thirst for life as well,, in her silliness and in her kindness, her never, ever, ever ending kindness, uh, showed me that that’s where the silver linings are, that there is good in the world. There is kindness, there is love. And that to never stop trying to never give up on growing. She remade herself so many times and went through a lot of struggles herself as well, and was still so kind and giving and just vivacious. And I don’t think I could ever find enough words to really depict her accurately. But I can say that it will always be a motivator for me to carry on that torch of never giving up on kindness and never giving up on growing for my own self and for others, and to never stop singing in a car on a road trip.

Bunny: (48:20)
I love that when you said, let your inner child run, I thought, well, that’s something else we need to put, you know, on a sampler and hang in the hallway or in the bathroom every morning, be grateful, be gentle with yourself and let your inner child run. I think that might be the, maybe, maybe that’s the title of your next book. So let’s talk about what, what, what are the best tips that if we’ve got a listener out there today who is feeling sad or overwhelmed or murky, or, or just maybe they’re stuck somewhere that they’ve, that they need to get away. You know, they need to move forward. If you were going to give somebody, you know, either a five day challenge or a 30 day challenge or a tip that they could take away and a really practical piece that they could put to work for them. What, what would you say today, if you were speaking to one of your clients who needed to make a big change in their life?

Leasa: (49:26)
Hmm. I would say to feel all the feelings, even when they are horrible or might feel as if they’re going to break you, it’s okay to feel those, but it’s a difference to feel feelings versus letting them take over your life. I would say it’s okay to take a moment and rest and feel the depth sometimes of discomfort, but that in that discomfort, in those intense feelings, in that sadness, there is always an opportunity if you choose to see it to grow and to feel happiness, to see an opportunity to mend. And it’s usually in that awareness that we can make a choice to have that gratitude, to have that self love, to say, I don’t want to have every day like this. I want to reach out to someone who might be able to support me. I think sometimes for us as humans, it’s so difficult for us to say I need help. And I think it takes a strong person, really strong person to say, I need some support. I might not have the answers for myself right now, but I know I want them and to lean on someone at times, I know, it can be painful, but that in many different aspects of life. But I think part of the mindfulness and saying, be gentle to you is knowing that you’re strong and good and that we can all help each other in many ways of just being honest about some of these difficult things at times, I think what you’re doing here and talking about hard stories and the gratitude that can come from it, that how it can help individuals makes a difference. Because it’s nice to know that you’re not alone as a human. And just connecting to people and saying from one human to another, this is difficult. This is painful, but you’re doing it. And recognizing that every day that you make these choices to say, I want to feel better, or I want to change this or that, that you’re making a commitment to yourself and you’re doing it.

Bunny: (51:46)
So, I know that there are going to be people who might want to know how to find you. So we’re going to post a link to your website on, the podcast. I got to ask you today. What do you, what are you most grateful for?

Leasa: (52:09)
Honestly, I think today, I’m most grateful for this little baby sitting behind me. Who’s cooing. And I’m also really grateful for this opportunity to even talk to even talk about all of this. It’s just such, like you said, I wish, you know, so many times I knew these things and I think that makes such a big difference to hear other people and know that we all are human and that we all can grow together.

Bunny: (52:41)
Well, I agree with you and I know stories save us and I, and thank you so much for sharing yours. We can do this again. I, we got a lot of stuff to talk about.

Leasa: (52:51)
Absolutely. Thank you so much for your time and for having me here. I really appreciate it.

Bunny: (52:57)
Thank you so much for joining us today on lifesaving gratitude. Please support us by subscribing wherever you’re listening now, by giving us a five-star rating and a review, and please share life-saving gratitude with all your friends. We’re here to share our stories and hopefully help others. You can find Lifesaving gratitude on instagram@lifesavinggratitudepodandatbunnyterry.com/podcast.