Get present and purposeful: Cari Hiebel-Briner Returns

Bunny: (00:11)
Hi There and welcome to the lifesaving gratitude podcast. I’m Bunny Terry, and I’m joined by my co-host and my producer, Johanna Medina. And we have a repeat guest. She was so amazing. The first time we had to get her back, Cari Hibel-Briner. She, Cari and I met at a realtor event. And I saw her on the stage at a, at an event that had thousands and thousands of, entrepreneurs and business owners. And I was impressed with her then, and I’m still impressed with her, but I especially liked this session because we talked about something that I’ve been thinking about lately. And it is whether goal setting is the answer. I mean, we all need to set goals and we all want to have them in front of a us all the time, but what’s, what’s the real answer. Like how do you execute? I thought she did a great job. What did you think, Johanna?

Johanna: (01:09)
Yeah, I thought this was a great episode. Kind of, feels like we’re doing a little bit of like a goals series, which is very obviously appropriate for the beginning of a new year. But you know, when we started with bud Hamilton talking about setting audacious goals, and then we had you know, Brindley talking about goals. Our last few guests have kind of been talking about like kind of their philosophy behind goals. And so Cari kind of set that, that next step to like, okay, you set the goals now, what are you gonna do about it? Right.

Bunny: (01:38)
And she was, she reminded me of Leslie, who was our, our, our guests who talked about you can’t eat love because she said, you know, Leslie said, you have to take it. You have to, consistency is key and you have to do it in tiny bites. And, and Leslie was talking about reclaiming your health a your self. And Carrie was saying, you know, people, solo-preneurs and realtors, people who are in business by themselves tend to get, um, a little. For, for lack of a better word. We tend to get in a funk. I mean, I’m an entrepreneur and you tend to get in a funk because you’re like, I have to keep doing the same thing every day to reach my goals. She talked about that. I thought it was, this is a really good episode for everybody, but especially if you’re trying to figure out what success, you know, how do you get to the success piece and how do you make everyday successful?

Johanna: (02:38)
Yeah, exactly. That whole, um, kind of that burnout too around goals. I mean, she’s, doesn’t say it like that specifically, but that’s what it makes me think of. Like we set these goals and, um, it’s kind of like setting new year’s resolutions, you know, I don’t even, I hate to set a resolution because I’m like, you’re just setting yourself up for failures. So Cari kind of brings it around full circle to like, so if we’re gonna set these goals, um, how are we going to actually accomplish it? But more importantly, like what’s at the root cause and or like what’s the root point really? And, um, and what’s, and, and she makes it more personal less like, you know, oh, I’m doing this for my business. I’m doing this to make money. But more like how, how, again, like wrapping in some of our other guests, like how taking care of yourself and putting your, your needs and your kind of self care needs. Obviously, I’m not saying as well as they are, but like taking care of yourself that that can take care of your business and you can take care of your business. Um, so again, like whether you’re an entrepreneur or not, I think these, these, um, episodes are really important, really Helpful.

Bunny: (03:50)
Well, and the other thing that I want you know, a lot of people who are in business and who listen to podcasts and who read business books, um, and we, you talked about this the first time with Cari. So if so, I wanna go back and listen to her first podcast, but we, if, if you’ve ever had a coach before, or you’ve had any kind of a mentor that you’ve asked to hold you accountable, the word accountability becomes this phrase. That just makes you cringe. I mean, Cari and I talked about it and I said, man, when I used to have a meeting with my coach, I, it was the day before our meeting, our weekly meeting, I would go, I didn’t do it. And I would feel like there was so much judgment in somebody holding me accountable. And, and she’s really clear that it’s not about accountability. It’s about awareness and knowing here are the place is where I, can’t, where I don’t reach, where I don’t quite reach what I meant to. And what’s the reason not, well, so next week you’ll do it. Right. That’s that was, I’ve had a couple of coaches who were like that. Well, you’re supposed to do this this week. And since you didn’t do it this week, you gotta do twice as much next week. And it just always made me really dread my coaching calls. So yeah, she’s amazing. She’s really amazing.

Johanna: (05:07)
And, exactly. I was going to say like her big thing too, I think that stood out for me in that conversation was like, I kind of wrote down like, mindset is greater than outcome because, um, she was a even saying, and I you know, I’m not repeating what the episode says, but kind of just to obviously lead into it that if your mindset isn’t right, even if you are completing all the little task and activities, you’re not gonna get to that place where it’s not gonna be sustainable because your mind just isn’t in the right place, no matter what, actual like actions, activities as she puts it, you’re doing.

Bunny: (05:44)
And well, you and I could talk about what she said, cuz it’s all so brilliant, but I would say… Let’s let her say it. And we wanna thank everybody who’s showing up and listening to these podcasts and we, wow. We’re, we’re, we’re making some progress here. I’m pretty excited. Carrie. I’m so excited to have you back. I think, you know, we’re on episode 43 or 44, and I think you were in our first 10, so it’s very exciting to have you back. You were very popular with our, um, our listeners last time. So just so everybody knows, Cari Hibel-Breiner, who is now, in a little bit of a different place than she was before Carrie, tell us what’s going on with you.

Cari: (06:32)
Thank you. Yeah. I can’t believe it it’s been that long. You’ve been doing some amazing things with your podcast. And reaching a tremendous amount of people. So thanks for having me back. And, I was blessed to be on it the first time and, equally, so this time and yeah, things definitely are always evolving and changing. I think, you know, geographically, I might be in a different place, even, and so lots of things in life, uh, you know, have taken some interesting turn, but I always love that. And I think if we embrace things and we’re open, you know, opportunities always come our way personally, professionally and otherwise. And so the last few years have been an example of that for me, for sure. I was in Minnesota for my entire life. And I think the very last time we, we talked, I was still there.

Cari: (07:16)
And today I reside in Coeur d’alene in Idaho, which is just a beautiful part of the country here in the Pacific Northwest. Um, and we have all four of our boys in the same state for the first time, since my husband and I have been married for the last, you know, and together for the last six years. So, um, that’s beyond a blessing to have them all together in one place. Not only for us as obviously a blended family and the parents, but for each other and to get in, to know each other and just to become, I guess, more, um, a family really, which, um, is the most important change that has happened in my life, which I’m just grateful for. And then secondarily, um, you know, I’m continuing to coach, professionals, mostly in the real estate industry, Bunny, still, just because that’s where I’ve been the last 23 years. And so I’m still doing that on a holistic approach, which we spoke a lot about during our last call, um, which really I feel is my calling. Um, having gone through some, you know, some good, some bad and some ugly being a real estate entrepreneur, myself, raising my boys and trying to be, um, all things to all people and not succeeding and, um, you know, really having to refocus my, my mindset and understand how I could be, uh, the best version of myself personally and professionally. And so now I, I still feel very, very called to help other people in that mission. And I found a way in which I can help more people as I partner with them across the country, uh, here at EXP Realty. So what I do isn’t much different than I’ve always done. I just, found a platform that I feel allows me to do it a little bit easier. And if my mission is just to help more people, I just needed to find a way that I could do that. So what I find myself doing most every day is still the same. And I’m really excited and you know, that I get to continue that journey for sure.

Bunny: (09:01)
Well, I know this is a really a, a simplistic, um, question because, and I think your answer’s gonna be really complex, but when you say for our listeners, when you say, I like to coach people from the holistic approach, what do you mean by that?

Cari: (09:18)
Yeah, so I think what I mean by that is, you know, coaching in our industry has always been thought of very much tactical, very business oriented. You know, let’s set the goals, let’s know the numbers let’s stay on track and there is nothing wrong with that. We have to do that as business owners. That’s part of it. But what I know is that there really just are not business problems. I mean, if we really, really dig in the problems are not business, they are personal and they’re showing up in business 99.9, nine, 9% of the time. And so we’re trying to solve you a problem with a business solution that isn’t a business problem. And that typically isn’t very successful. And that’s what I tried to do for many years, which is why I really didn’t have many fundamental changes in my business and life until one day I realized it was me that needed to change and I needed to work on me, then everything else would follow suit. And the focus on coaching myself, my mindset, my routines, my, just everything about me getting to know myself better, becoming more self aware and solving some of the personal challenges that I had, whether I knew them or not. That’s what fundamentally changed my business. And so that’s, that’s what I look to do with the people I coach, which is to dive a bit deeper into who they are and help them become more self aware, help them focus more on themselves, which seems selfish. People don’t like to do it working parents. They feel like there’s no time for themselves. And it’s really the, the most selfless thing you can do if you think about it, because if people depend on you, people in your business and your life that you love, you know, need you to, to show up to be the best version of yourself, then it’s really, really not only critical, but it’s selfless to focus on yourself. So, I help people do that in a way, which then makes them a better version of themselves. And it makes the business success a lot easier. You know, you feel like you’re pushing against, or, you know you’re climbing uphill. And then all of a sudden you realize, well, it was because I was trying to, you know, to fix something that wasn’t actually broken. It was something over here. And now that I loosen this up and I, you know, I got this working a little bit better, man. This, this path is also a lot smoother.

Bunny: (11:42)
Well, and you know, we talked to Brindley Tucker in our episode last week. And we talked about the fact that when I was a single mom and I think that you’ve been a single mom before, too, um, I followed a parenting guru named John Rosemont. And he said, if you are not filling your own storehouse first as a single parent, then you’re no good to your kids. You know, we, we feel guilty. We, our kids only have one parent. We should be giving them all of our time and attention. And he was like, no, no, you have to be a whole person. And you have to be providing self care before you can ever do it for anybody else. And we talked about that and it’s so interesting. I’m so happy that you, the two of you are back backing each other because this is this can’t be talked about enough. And, I wanna say this very carefully because I don’t want to criticize former coaches that I’ve had, but I’ve had business coaches and we did things like, okay, tell me what your goals are for, for this next year. And then let’s back it out. So if you have that goal, how many houses do you have to sell this year? If you wanna sell how many houses what’s your conversion rate, if you want, if your conversion rate is this, how many calls do you have to make? How many people do you have to connect? And the root problem was not that those numbers didn’t exist. The root problem was that maybe I didn’t have the right amount of confidence. What, you know, maybe I had limiting beliefs of my own that didn’t make that whole numbers game work. And I was always frustrated. I was like, this should be simple, but I’m not getting it. And it wasn’t, it was that I had to figure out where my barriers were and what I really wanted to be doing. And I think I always felt resistant to my coaches only because I was like, I think there’s something else. I think I need to hear more. And you’re saying that right?

Cari: (13:46)
Yeah, it is. I mean, I’ve had people come to me and say, I just don’t know if coaching works for me. And I just say, maybe business coaching doesn’t work for you. You know, let’s try something different because I hear you. Business coaching got me to a certain level and I had a coach. The second I joined Keller Williams moving forward. I never not me have one. Me too. Yeah. And I would say I, at the beginning, from not having a coach to then going to a business coach, there was some great growth there cuz I had no coaching. And then I got to really start to understand some of the business, you know, side of things that I didn’t know. And that was very important, but there was a point where I couldn’t talk about just business anymore. I mean, I could, it just, wasn’t moving the needle forward and that’s where some people get resistant because here’s the other thing, part of coaching is accountability. And if you show up to your coach every day or, or every week or every other week or whatever your schedule and your cadence is, and you don’t have, you know, the, the things to, to, um, to share that you want to, because you didn’t maybe do the things that you needed to do. Um, that is also, um, some, some, there’s a strange relationship there with accountability that a lot of people will, uh, start to run away from not run towards and we need to figure out how do people run towards accountability. Accountability is an important, an important thing. It’s one of the most fundamental things to being successful in business and life is to how have, um, a good relationship with accountability. And it starts with, the definition of that word. And many people have a very negative connotation with the word accountability because it’s only business results or maybe it was a teacher. And, you know somebody, a child was struggling with something and they were showing up for the teacher the way the teacher thought they should. And so all that that did was make them feel more bad about themselves. And so instead of now running towards accountability, which is what we need to do as human beings, if we wanna be successful and reach our potential, we start running away from it. And so what, what I fundamentally found is that we needed to reestablish, what is this coaching relationship going to look like? And what does accountability mean in our world, in our relationship. And I just started to redefine that for people, you know, it is literally just a safe space that we can come together, that we can have conversations and create awareness around what is happening so that we can then go and make a different choice or a different decision tomorrow or the next day or the next week.

Cari: (16:18)
It has no judgment. There is no condemnation. It is not about you didn’t do it. It’s about what happened. What, what happened last week? What do we need to see? What do we need to understand? What do we need to know? And then how can we, now that we’re aware of it, how can we maybe change something? So that next week looks a bit different because really it should just be self-awareness and figuring out what do we need to do differently. What’s holding us back here. So it’s almost that account. It’s not accountability as much as it’s awareness. Absolutely it’s accountability to being self-aware and to sharing that self-awareness with somebody so that you can make some choices, different choices, but it’s not accountability. So that if you don’t show up with the numbers, you are supposed to show up with, there’s something wrong with you, right? Because at the end of the day, no one, you know, does everything they’re supposed to every single week. I mean, that’s just not reality. And so how do we get people excited about, you know, showing up for a coaching conversation, even if they didn’t do what they thought they were gonna do and running towards it, because they know that that conversation and that moment, and that that sort of accountability is actually helping them to just become a better version of themself. Little by little, they’ve got to understand that that’s the purpose. It’s not something that they thought it was because of the past a coach or a teacher or a parent or a past, you know, a past business coach or something that they just had this just negative feeling. And so redefining the word accountability for yourself is really, really important. And then understanding, um, that, that, it’s just, it’s not about perfection, it’s about progress. And you can’t progress if you aren’t self aware. And I think people shut down a around self-awareness because no one likes to admit they’re not good at things. No one likes to admit that they’re self sabotaging, nobody likes to admit they’ve got challenges.They feel judged. They judge themselves and they feel like they need to show up, you know, in a certain way. And you just have to create that trust factor and have that upfront conversation that if this is going to be a different scenario in coaching than you’ve ever had before, then here’s the ground rules. Here’s how it’s gonna look and it’s gonna be uncomfortable, but it’s okay. Trust me, you know, showing up in transparency and vulnerability and being self aware is hard work, but it’s the work it’s the, that is so rewarding. And it’s the work that makes all your other work so much easier. And so you just gotta, you just gotta commit to play here for a little bit and see what happens.

Bunny: (19:01)
Oh, I love that. I love the commit to play piece because I’m telling you I had a coach always, and I felt like I was paying a thousand bucks a month to do, to have this weekly call where the day before my call, I did all this stuff. And I’d be like, oh my gosh, my coaching call is on Tuesday. So every Monday I would be scrambling around saying I have to, it really did feel very childlike. And I didn’t have people who were judgmental in my childhood. I mean, I didn’t grow up with parents who were very judgemental, but I, it was, it did feel childlike. And so, um, and I have shifted now to a different kind of coach. I have a writing coach who is, I’m so inspired when she and I spend time together that I can’t wait and it’s not. And the conversations are not about, did you write a thousand words a day? And did you address this character? And it is, did you do these things that expanded your mind, that that increased your and, and awareness is a good, good thing that increased your awareness, what you wanna say. Yeah. And it’s so joyful now, as opposed to all those old days, when I was like, I didn’t get my numbers, I didn’t get my numbers. Yeah. And so we, we talked early in the year with a couple of other guests about setting audacious goals. And one him was a gentleman who was incredibly successful in the corporate world. And he ran Proctor and gamble in south and central America for years and years and years, that was his career. And he, he and I now serve on a foundation board together. And he, every year sets these crazy over the top. You can’t believe it goals for the staff of the foundation. And every year we sit down with them and we say, here are our goals for next year. Here are our fundraising goals. And every year they go, oh no, no, no, no, no. We can never do that. And Cari every year they hit those goals. And he said, I believe in setting audacious goals because it makes you stretch intellectually to find a different path. It’s almost like it rewires you to think of different ways to do things. And I’m just curious us about how you feel about audacious goals and, and if you’re setting them and you’re helping your clients set ’em I don’t know the answer to that. So you tell me,

Cari: (21:35)
Yeah, that’s a very, very interesting question because he’s a perfect example of, um, when you, when you kind of force somebody who is like, that seems unrealistic, they find a way as a team or as a group to make it happen. That’s an interesting concept. I think it’s, um, you know, the same concept of, uh, you gotta ask yourself different questions to get different results in your life, in your business. The quality of the questions you ask yourself are gonna directly equate to the quality of your life in business. And so I do coach people to ask themselves a tremendous amount of questions and different questions. And when you set different goals or you put something out there, you never have put out there before, it forces you to ask different questions, because how else are you gonna know how to get there? If you don’t ask those questions, and this is what stretches your mind, and once your mind is stretched, you know, it can’t go back to its original form kind of like a rubber band, right? So I think that’s really, really important. And then I, you know, so there’s a couple of concepts around that, you know, in our organization, I really am, you know, surrounding people with other people that I know will continue to help them stretch. You know, I think who you surround yourself with matters for that very reason, the people working with that gentleman, they’re different human beings because they’re working with him because he is helping them to think differently and together they’re doing that. And you

Bunny: (22:53)
I’m a different human being from, from being, you know, he was our board chair for 11 years and I just moved into that position in August. And I am a different person because I’ve been exposed to his incredible success, but it’s his, his credible success is a result of the way his mind works. That’s right. And he’s, and nothing is too small. Yeah. Nothing is too small possible and nothing is too big. So it’s like, we, we, our capacity to improve is limitless. And I think that the average person on the street does not think their capacity is limitless.

Cari: (23:31)
No. Yeah. And so who, the conversations that you have around you is what you will grow into. So the first question I would ask the viewers is, you know, what conversations are you in on a regular basis? And are they, um, are you growing into better and bigger and different conversations? And if the answer is no, you’ve gotta find some people to do that with, because that’s what really stretches your mind. And then secondarily, um, yeah, who’s leading you. I think that’s a better, and it could be a coach. It could be, you know, a leader in an organization. It would be somebody that’s gone before you, maybe you’re an entrepreneur, but you’re looking at somebody who’s gone before you, that person has gone before you. And so they think differently. They’ve had to think differently. They’ve had to think in less limits, they’ve had to set bigger goals.

Cari: (24:19)
They’ve had to ask themselves different questions or they wouldn’t be ahead of you. And so, you know, surrounding yourself with those people and those conversations, I think is incredibly important. And so, um, in terms of the audacious goal, you know, I kind of have moved my mindset, um, a bit into execution versus the actual result. And here’s what I mean by that. I, you know, I’ve gone through my own journey of setting a lot of big goals. I’m not one to set small goals, um, or have had, you know, small goals set for me. I’ve been put into positions where people have told me I was gonna achieve something. And I didn’t realize it was a big, big goal at that time. And I just went for it and did it. So I like having big goals. I like shooting for things and seeing what happens. I’ve always been that way. I find how I’ve, or for the most, um, for most people that it’s the daily execution they struggle with, not the, not the reaching the goal. And if we, oh, you’re I you’re right about that. If we only looking at this big goal and we can’t get ourself into the daily activities, it’s kind of a moot point. So I tell people, execution is the new goal. Let’s talk about execution. Here’s what I think is so important about daily execution. It’s actually what makes people happy? It’s actually what makes people proud of themselves? It’s actually what creates confidence and competence. It’s actually what creates positive feelings inside. It’s actually what makes a difference in people’s lives. And ultimately, yeah, those activities get them to the big goal, but they gotta focus on the daily activities because doing hard things, overcoming something that you don’t want to have to overcome challenging, you know, having a day battle with your mind when your mind says, you know, you don’t wanna get up and do that. You’re tired. You just don’t feel up to it. And then winning that battle every single day, over and over again, creating, um, these, these habits that are not easy to create that you just do it. And you’re like just so accomplished. And then seeing the results along the way and embracing that journey. I have talked to a lot of people and I would say fundamentally, the people that focus on that are the people that are the happiest people. I also believe happy people are more successful, whether they want to be or not. They just are, because again, we’re our own limits. And if we don’t have peace and happiness inside, we don’t necessarily make the right or the same decisions. We don’t have the same energy. We don’t attract the same opportunity. We don’t. We do think in limits, we do come from scarcity at that point versus abundance.

Cari: (27:01)
We, you know, we just do things differently. An example, two of this is honestly, you know, if you look at people who are entrepreneurs and I just talked with somebody about this yesterday when they get enough, a little bit of a funk, you know, we all do. And we’re, we’re trying to figure out why is our business a little slow what’s going on? Where, where did my momentum go? It is a mindset shift that has to be accomplished before the results ever change. And so we’ll go do more, more activities, more open houses, more door knocking, more calling, but it does not result in more opportunity or momentum, 90% of. And the reason it doesn’t is because our mindset is over here in a bit of a closed scarce mindset, nervous. Why don’t I have business coming in? I need business coming in. I need to pay my bills. What is happening, why I’m in this funk. And so our mindset is over here. Even if we force ourself to do the activities, our energy is different and it will be a harder, it’s just harder to get that momentum going. The second I can come over here and, and, and work on the mindset and get people to open up, release that scarcity and think in abundance and be unattached to the outcome and then go do the activity instantly, results happen. So it was an example of me chatting with somebody and saying, look, that the activities that you do on a daily basis, the execution towards creating space, having more financial freedom, having some more opportunity to have leveraged income and things over here so that you don’t have to be attached to every outcome of every appointment. I don’t have to talk to you about business. You will do more business. You just will. It’s this is what’s holding you back. This is actually limiting your opportunity. This, this attached to outcome. I have to get three transactions a month to pay. My bills actually keeps you stuck in getting three transactions a month and that’s it but the second that you don’t have to worry about those three transactions, because you’ve been able to do something else over here that creates some freedom. You’ll get six transactions a month. And that has something to do with how you feel, not what you do, but some people because of how they feel don’t do. And that’s why I get really into that. You know, we gotta execute. We’ve gotta own the day, own the morning, win the battle of our mind every day and do a hard thing, which we all, we all have a hard thing to do every day because we don’t wanna do everything we have to do. And we gotta just force ourselves to do it and become stronger than our mind because I’m telling you the confidence and the happiness and the fulfillment that actually builds up in you when you feel so accomplished and you know, deep down, you will show up for yourself and do what it takes. There is something there that if you don’t have that, you’re a miss. You will not have the success that you could otherwise,

Bunny: (30:03)
You said so much, I wrote down so much while you were speaking, but it is. So every bit of it is the truth. And, and I love that you started by saying execution is the new goal. It’s it is. We can talk all week long about a business and say, I want my volume to be X. And we can say this year, I wanna double I, because I had these conversations this year. I wanna double my volume this year. I want to, but until I started surrounding myself with people who were successful and until I stepped away from the outcomes, until I stopped looking every day at my calendar and saying, if I don’t do 1212 of these things this day, then I won’t get to three of the, and three transactions is good because there was a year when I was like, I have to have three a month. I have to have three a month. And it was, it was at the moment when I stopped being tied to those outcomes and started. And I heard somebody say this, of course, that the goal is not the goal. The, the journey is the goal. I mean, do the… I’m trying to think now what the word, but, it’s the…

Cari: (31:16)
It’s about the journey, not the end, right?

Bunny: (31:19)
Well, the Activity, the activities are the goal as to the numbers at the end of the year. Yeah. Whatever they are. I mean, if you, yeah. You know, if you, if you own a t-shirt company and you know that your volume every month has to be X to keep your kids fed, then you’re going to start only thinking in terms of that number and, and when you’re, and, and, and it, and I think that that sort of thinking tends to create that mindset that you’re thinking, I mean, you’re, you’re in that funk and yeah, absolutely. And until you can get out of that space, I mean, I love where you said daily execution creates confidence and competence, and that we have to think in abundance and we can’t be tied to the outcome. And that’s something I keep hearing over and I keep reading it over and over and over. And it’s so important that we’re, we’re not tied to the outcome. We’re tied to the activity that creates more confidence and competence, right? Yeah. I mean, but self trust. Yeah. But if you talk about execution, what does that mean? I mean, we’re still talking about activities that check boxes, right? Yes.

Cari: (32:30)
Yeah. So I think instead of just thinking, like put the big goal out there and know that this is ultimately what you see, I’m very, very big into visualization. I always have been, ever since I played sports in high school and college, all the way up to building business, you know, I’m, it’s visualization, it’s seeing it happen. It’s believing it. It’s constantly reiterating it in your mind. You know, my first goal as a team leader of Keller Williams office was to recruit a hundred people in a year. I had no idea how big that goal was. That was quite audacious goal because nobody, our region had ever even hit 50. I didn’t know that didn’t ask a lot of questions, you know, changed every password to say, recruit 100, you know, changed every picture on my laptop and on my phone. I mean, it was in front of me everywhere. I had to type it in multiple times a day. And it was just what was gonna happen. That’s part of my process of setting something big and visualizing it and really believe it. But at the end of the day, if that’s all I would’ve done, you know, it wouldn’t have happened. I had to figure out, well then who does the person need to be? That’s gonna hit a hundred people in this office, you know, recruited to this office in a year. What does that person have to do? Because, that’s the most important thing. And, you know, so it was the daily activities and focus on it, the belief in it and putting it out there. Yes. But then the actual, like daily activities consistently showing up every day with mastering the boredom, the same thing every day, every day, every day, it didn’t matter. Don’t worry about, you know, don’t worry about the hundred. If you do the activities all every day today for three, you know, for all a year long, it’s real likely that you’re gonna hit that goal, but you can’t lose sight. You can’t get so focused on the far away that it, that distracts you from the, the day to day because that’s, that’s where, that’s where we need to be. And that’s where I also, you know, I really got into the coaching to help people figure out how to be more present in the moment because, you know, as entrepreneurs, we do get distracted. We are thinking about the long term goal. We’re excited about it, but then we’re thinking about paying our bills tomorrow. And then we’ve got, you know, we are, we’re worrying about the things. And so we’re from here to here to here to here, and we’re very anxious in general.

Cari: (34:38)
I’m generalizing. I was a very anxious, I am of anxious person. And in general, that’s why I’ve had to practice a lot of things. I’ve practiced, but being an entrepreneur, definitely exasperated that. And I think for most entrepreneurs, there’s a lot to be anxious about, right. If we allow our mind to go there. And so we’re not as present in the moment as we could be. We’re not as purposeful and intentional with our time. Therefore we’re doing a lot of things not present and they aren’t getting us the results. So, you know, on we’re wondering why we feel guilty about the, maybe our parenting. And we think we need to be with our kids for, you know, eight hours a day to be a good parent. And that’s why we’re, we’re feeling bad. But in reality, when we’re with them, we’re not present and we’re not connecting and we aren’t moving the needle forward in that relationship. And that’s what we’re actually feeling guilty about. So it really isn’t the time spent. It’s the, it’s how we’re spending the time. It’s what part of us is doing what we’re doing. It’s not how much we’re doing it. And it’s the same thing with lead generation. It’s the same thing with our coaching calls, with the agents on our team. It’s the same thing with, uh, the date night with our spouse. All these things can be impactful if we’re purposeful about it. And if we’re present, because when you’re present and intentional, you can make a much larger impact in a much shorter period of time. And then all of a sudden, we go, whoa, we don’t need more hours in a day. We just need to use the hours in the day more effectively. And how do we do that? And how do we do it? Where it fulfills us more. And it’s the present moment focus. That is what is fulfilling because it’s meaningful. We’re really in, we’re engaged in it. We’re getting everything out of that moment. We can, and we’re giving everything of ourself and that’s where connections happen. That’s where opportunity these come to fruition, that’s where things happen. And so when we allow ourselves to be so distracted by our mind, we can’t be present when we have to jump to every email every second. And then we’re, yeah, I’m here at the park with you kids, but I’m not really here. So let you know, that’s where we start to feel bad about ourselves. And it’s actually where we to be less productive when we’re less productive, we have less results. Then we feel less confident. We’re all. Now we’re unfulfilled because we weren’t intentional, purposeful or engaged in anything we did.

Cari: (36:50)
And we didn’t get that great of results because of that same reason. So now we feel like we’re not succeeding and it’s this very, very vicious down word cycle, but it creates more anxiety which actually makes less present. And so it’s just this constant, it’s this constant cycle that I found myself in for many years, until one day I realized that there was something I could do to change it. And so, um, so I think, um, you know, what I say about that is the journey is a about focusing on the present moment, as much as possible, being intentional and purposeful, bringing your best impact, the best version of yourself to any moment to, to find that fulfillment, to fulfill other people, um, and to see the right opportunities that are there right in front of you, that you wouldn’t see otherwise. And that, you know, you can’t get yourself motivated to the, those daily activities. If you don’t have some bigger goal and it could be a goal and it could be a vision for your life or business, it could be a legacy you wanna leave. It could be you know, that you wanna make sure that your kids are taken care of when you’re no longer here. You know, some of the, the people I work with, I mean, it’s, they don’t wanna chase the transaction anymore for those of be that in real estate watching, but you could be in different fields. Similarly, you don’t wanna chain chase every single sale or every single transaction or every single paycheck or commission, because in doing so, it doesn’t allow you to have that piece inside. It doesn’t allow you to be as present in the moment. It doesn’t allow you to come from an abundance mindset and to think bigger, it doesn’t allow you know to do those things. In fact, it does the opposite. And so if that is your big, if that’s it’s you don’t wanna do that anymore, and you wanna be able to free your mind and your time and, um, and not live in that space anymore, because you know, you’d be a better version of yourself for everybody around you. And most likely your business would grow, cuz you’d be out of that, that scarcity mindset. Then that’s, that’s the goal. That’s the audacious goal that you need to go after. And then you need to figure out what you need to do every single day to make it happen and use that as your motivation to get present and to get purposeful and to get into action every single day. Even when you don’t want to, to win that battle, you know, with your own mind, that’s telling you don’t need to do it today. You could take a day off when you really shouldn’t.

Bunny: (39:10)
Well, and you talked about the daily activities that are small, all bites. I mean, we, we had a guest on a couple of weeks ago, who’s a woman who got up one day and figured out that she really was a hundred pounds overweight. She said it was shocking, but I figured that out. But she said, I couldn’t look at a goal of losing a hundred pounds. Just I couldn’t do it. But she said, what I could look at was incremental. You know, I could eat the elephant. I don’t that’s a bad analogy, but I could take small bites every single day that got me closer and closer to the person that I wanted to be. I mean, she didn’t say I wanted to be somebody who weighed a hundred pounds less. She said I wanted to be somebody who was living my fullest most productive, best life ever, because the alternative was I was gonna get to be 80 years old, sitting in a recliner, unable to move because I hadn’t take taken care of my body or my mind. And she was a huge inspiration. But I think that people tend to see, um, people who are success and they think, wow, well, how do I get to that? I mean, it’s just monstrous sleep. It’s not a monstrous sleep. It’s a consistent action every single day, right?

Cari: (40:26)
Yeah. It’s consistency. That’s all it is. It’s the key, it’s the key to everything in life. And it’s, you know, um, it’s what we’re not good at as human beings. And the reason we’re not is because our is the one that’s gonna tell us. We don’t have to be consistent because guess what, doing something every day, mastering that boredom doing it. When we don’t feel like doing it, it’s not fun. You know, consistency isn’t necessarily fun. And our mind wants to put us in pleasurable moments. It doesn’t want us to be uncomfortable or in, in moments we don’t enjoy that’s. It was designed to protect us. And so it does anything to talk us out of things that aren’t, you know, perfect or great, or, or make us excited or fun. And it’s also what impulsively drives us towards, um, finding different things to distract ourselves with and trying new things and doing new things, because that fun sounds more fun and ex fighting, but those are the exact things that don’t get us any momentum because we have no consistency

Bunny: (41:23)
Or just picking up our phone and distracting ourself, right.

Cari: (41:27)
It’s addicting because we it’s an enjoyable thing. And so our mind is going to push us towards things that enjoy, make us feel like we’re having fun or relaxed, or we can check out not be stressed out, right? Whatever it it’s doing to soothe us, we’re looking for our mind is looking for all of those things. Not the things that are hard, not the things that we don’t really wanna do. Not the things that are uncomfortable, like picking up the phone or to trying a new thing that we are not good at yet. But that’s the actual stuff that makes us happy sitting over here in complacency and doing things that just bypass the time and make us feel comfortable are actually the things that make us feel like less successful that make us feel bad about ourselves. That actually make us feel depressed and more anxious. And if you look at the people who really, really feel joyful and peaceful, it’s that they put themselves in positions every day to be stronger than their mind, that to overcome to go, wow. I showed up for myself again. That felt pretty darn good. I mean, if you just actually go think to yourself, you know, what are some of the most times you’ve just felt the best about yourself. It’s in those moments when you did something that you didn’t think you could, or you overcame something that was really challenging. Those are the actual defining moments where if you, you, you really sat down and you went, yeah, man, that was, I felt different about myself then. And that was really a joyful time and it wasn’t joyful because it was some fleeting moment of happiness for a minute. It was because it was like, you really showed up for yourself. And that’s that personal growth side of things that is an innate human need. And if we don’t fulfill that, we are not going to feel happy. And when we don’t feel happy and fulfilled inside, we go to external things to try to feel happy. And those things never ever work. We also make decisions based on those feelings that aren’t necessarily the best for ourselves, our relationships or our business. And so, you know, that’s, it’s just, you just have to be aware of this. You have to be self aware and know your mind’s gonna try to talk you out of a lot of things. Those are probably precisely the things that you should and figure out how to get up and do because it will change your life, but it will also then change your business because remember business is part of life. It’s not compartmentalized. It’s not separate from, right? Especially if you’re an entrepreneur, it is directly correlated to who you are as a human being and the life that you lead, because it’s just, you’re one person doing all the things. This is just part of it.

Bunny: (43:57)
So can we talk for just I want you to share, if you can, just some, some tricks say I’m one of your clients and I’m saying, Cari, I am having the hardest time getting started in the morning. I, you know, I’m supposed to eat a frog every morning, first thing every morning so that everything else is easy, but I can’t get myself going. What’s are some mindset tricks? And, and maybe I’m making it too easy, but it does seem to me. I mean, my writing coach says to me, when you don’t wanna write, when you think you have writer’s block, you just go for a 10 minute walk and I’m gonna tell you, your brain will immediately kick in immediately. And it she’s right. But I’m curious what you Tell your clients?

Cari: (44:41)
Yeah. I mean, that’s a great one, by the way, if you do feel like you’re having a hard time getting into some activity that is work related. If you’re having a hard time fall focusing, if you’re having a hard time accomplishing a task that you need to accomplish every day and, and you’d rather be doing these things and you feel like your mind is wandering and you can’t get into it, move your body because it does change the chemistry in your mind. That would be a great trick for everybody. And that’s why we tell people, move your body in the morning before you get going for the day, because actually creates focus. It creates a different level of energy. It creates, um, uh, it creates your ability. You have more emotional fitness, you have a fitness in your mind for stress. There’s a lot of things that happen in your mind when you move your body and it can just be walking. It doesn’t have to be running 10 miles. Like some people think it’s gotta be this big thing. No, it’s just, just move your body. And so the biggest trick I would tell people is, um, that they have… Well, number one, you gotta dive into why what is it about this that you it’s coming from your mindset. So if you’ve told yourself that you’re not a morning person for your whole life, then that’s what you think. And that’s how you behave. You behave like not a morning person, therefore you’re not getting yourself up in the morning and doing the things. So I do believe that fundamentally people have to make a bit of an identity shift. Um, if they’ve told themselves that, or if they believe that about themselves or somebody else has told them that, that their whole life, you know, that has to change, you gotta see yourself as a person that gets up and does some things in the morning because otherwise you’re, you’re forcing yourself to be that person, even though you don’t believe you are, that’s only gonna be temporary. Like you’ve gotta actually go. I am a morning person. Like, why am I not a morning person? Every anybody else who wants to be is I am too today. I’m making a decision that I’m a morning person, just like anybody else, if I wanna be. And in fact, I can see myself being a morning person and getting up and enjoying that. And I can see myself having the benefits of that throughout the whole day and feeling just so good about myself, that I gave myself that extra hour. And you, you start to talk about that. I can see that happening journal about it. You know, talk about it and start using some actual affirmations that, that, you know, solidify that in your mind, you’ve gotta change the way that you feel about yourself and what you believe about yourself. And that starts with what you say to yourself. Oftentimes you might not know that you’re even saying it to yourself, but you are. Because many of the things we say to ourselves are subconscious. So you don’t even know what you’re saying to yourself. But if you’ve been not a morning person, somewhere in there, you’re probably yourself. You’re not, and you believe it. So let’s start changing the narrative. So start waking up in the morning, going to bed at night, saying something, that’s going to overcome what those subconscious thoughts are, replace it with something that you want it to be, because you can change your identity whenever you want, by the way. So you start changing your identity. You start seeing yourself as someone who is a morning person who takes advantage of that, who has a better day because of it. And, uh, and then your actions will start to follow because your identity is what you see in your yourself.

Cari: (47:46)
What you believe about yourself, your person personality is a byproduct of your identity. You start acting a certain way based on what you believe about yourself. All of our personalities right now are shaped by what we, our identity and our identity is what we have decided it to be, by the way, it isn’t something fixed. And people don’t always realize that. So identity shift affirmations, see yourself, believe it, journal, write it down whatever you’ve got to do and do that every day. And then you’ll start too slowly, but surely see yourself act differently. But in the meantime, set one small goal. And if that means that, I mean, I had a coaching client that woke up 10 minutes early and sat in a chair next to her bed. And that’s all she did because she had such a hard time in the morning and she would just, she just literally wouldn’t get up. And she couldn’t even fathom starting some sort of morning routine because she wasn’t even getting up, you know, before 9:00 AM. So it just started in 10 minute increments and she wasn’t awake and she didn’t like it. And so she just literally moved out of bed and sat there and it was, she sat dark and then she just, you know, slowly but surely did it a little bit longer. And then she would start to write a little bit for five minutes. And this is over a period of a year, right? Like it was just little by little by little, until pretty soon it was, you know, writing in a journal, you know, saying her affirmations, doing a slight little kind of relaxation, meditation, getting up, getting caught, going and working out. I mean, that happened. And she started to move from getting up at nine to getting up at seven over the course of a year though. You know, what, what people have to hear is nobody gets from, from zero to a hundred overnight, when you see successful people doing what they’re doing, they didn’t just wake up and decide to do it. One day. It’s been something that’s happened over a period of time. So you’ve gotta give yourself grace and you’ve gotta figure out what is your path gonna look like? And if you try to go from zero to a hundred, it is not sustainable. You’ll continue to fail. And then you will not be motivated to do it. You’ve gotta start super small and then be committed to be somewhat accounted to somebody in a positive way, creating that awareness. Why didn’t, you know, what happened? How come it was, you know, challenging for you to get up 10 minutes early this week, what can we do differently next week? That’s gonna allow that to be more successful for you.

Cari: (50:04)
That’s the conversation, not why didn’t you do it and did you do it? And how come it didn’t happen? You know, that’s not the conversation that’s gonna motivate. Okay. Well, I went to bed too late, the kids. Okay. So what can you do next week? That’s gonna make it easier for you in the evening so that you can commit to getting up 10 minutes early. Perfect. Let’s try that. You know, that’s the constant conversation so that we start having success and we start building consistency. And that’s the way habits, you know, form. So if you’re working on the mindset part of it, you will start to act differently because your personality will start to change, but that’s also a process. And then you require yourself to be accountable to one small thing in alignment with that. And you start working those two angles at the same time and slowly but surely you’ll start to think differently. And here’s the beauty of it. After you start getting up 10, 15, 20 minutes earlier, and you start having a better, you know, morning routine, even if it’s just writing in a journal for five minutes and getting your cup of coffee and walking around the block to you will actually start to say to your, like, you you’re reaffirming what you tell yourself. So now you’re telling yourself I’m a morning person and I do this and you actually are. And then you’re going, see, I am a morning person. So see, what is interesting is we tell ourselves something we get into the activity. The activity shows it to our, proves it to ourself. Then we believe it. And it kind of cycles back to it being easier for us to self-identify that way. And then act more like it, because now we’re in the positive cycle of we, we, we believe it. Now what happens is if we tell ourself we’re not a morning person and we can’t get up in the morning, that’s how we act. That’s how we show up and it doesn’t work. And then we, we go see, I got a coach and, I said I was gonna do it and I still don’t do it. See, I told you, I’m not a morning person. That’s what they’re doing in their mind. Well, yes, they’re living a self-fulfilling prophecy here because they’ve already told themselves. It’s what they believe. Therefore, it’s how they act. Of course it’s sustainable because they don’t believe it. And then they don’t do it. And then they just cut circle back around and go see, I told you I’m not, but you can do the opposite of that. I am see what I’m doing. Oh, see, I am, and now I’m gonna do more of it. It’s like, you know, we’re just, we’re just playing tricks on our own mind a little bit. But you can see the, that is a, a cycle that happens in a good or a, a bad way. Right? So if, if it can happen, we can choose how it happens. That’s the beauty of it. The mind isn’t telling us what to do, unless we listen to it, we have control. We just have to realize we do have control.

Bunny: (52:47)
Well, and you said early on, you said this in the last one, you gotta live your life. Not your mind because your mind is your mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and fantasy. No. So you have to tell it,

Cari: (53:00)
Right? Yeah. You have to, you cannot believe your mind. And too often people believe their mind is actually like, what is reality? What’s their living. It’s not, well, it is, but it’s because they’re listening to their mind and they’re making it their reality, but they don’t have to. That’s just what’s happening. So now we just have to decide, what do we want to live? Okay. Then we just change what’s in our mind. And that is a little bit of a process. But you, once you’re aware again, it all starts with self-awareness too often. People are just unaware and they go through the cycle the way they go through it and they don’t know any better. They don’t know what they don’t know until one day somebody does say it to ’em and they go, oh wow. I am living my mind. Now something has changed here. Something’s moved. You understand, you don’t have to keep doing it this way. Now you have a choice. Now the question is, are you gonna do something with the knowledge that you have? And it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be hard actually. And, but it’s gonna be fulfilling and it’s gonna help make everything else in your life. Easier long-term. So the question is, are you willing to do the work? And I just think it’s really, really hard to do that work by yourself. I mean, I couldn’t do it by myself. I had coaches helping me because I would’ve gave up. It wasn’t easy. It was way easier to go back to my old ways. Even though I was miserable, it was still easier. So to do the hard, to become, you know, later much happier, it, it conceptually sounds like a great idea, but when you’re in the moment of it, it’s not, it’s not fun. So you’ve gotta have a support system, someone who’s going to help you talk through it, get you back on when you fall off, keep working, you know, and have those, have those opportunities. And I, and whether it’s just a support group or a friend or a spouse, um, it can be anybody, right? You don’t have to hire a coach, but just a somebody that you say, I gotta work on this. I gotta work on me. This is what I need. And can you just help me, you know, encourage me, encourage me and help me be accountable to it because it’s not gonna be easy.

Bunny: (54:57)
Well, I would love to give folks a way to get in touch with you if, if you’re in, if you’re in that space of, of talking to new clients. And certainly I, we have other resources that we’re happy to help people with, but it is so important to not, you know, self growth is, is, is a goal of people who wanna be successful, but at the same time, trying to do it on your own, the messages are so mixed. The focus is so different. You, you get bombarded with a lot of different messages. So having somebody who is your accountability slash awareness partner and who helps you see yeah. Yourself more clearly is, is so essential. Yeah, absolutely. Cari, that is such good stuff. I love that story about the woman who, who got up and sat for 10 minutes beside her bed. I mean, that was transformational for her. And that was not you judge yourself right?

Cari: (55:54)
Like she wanted to judge yourself like this is ridiculous. What a loser MI, that this is all I can do. And that’s the last thing that you need to do to yourself. You need to be proud of yourself that you’re just making the decision. You wanna change that that alone should make you proud and whatever it looks like for you, don’t compare yourself to anybody else because we’re all different. We’re all coming from different places. But making that step, that was a, that was a big deal. And it changed her entire life. You know, I also had somebody who took a five minute meditation app. That’s all she did. That was the only thing that she changed. And I’m telling you, it changed her entire life as a real estate professional and in her relationships and in her finances. I can’t even tell you if I told you the story, people would say, you’re ridiculous. Cari, I’m telling you, she went from barely making ends, meet super anxious, never setting boundaries, not being healthy, having a lot of digestion problems, being overweight. But, but honestly, being the most people loved her, helping everybody, but herself, like no one would know that that was, you know, going on. Right. But she knew it. I knew it. And literally a five-minute app in the morning changed the trajectory of her life. Fast forward three years, she’s remarried, never thought she would be she’s in the best physical condition she’s ever been in. She has the best business she’s ever had in over 15 years in the business, her financials are finally under control. She has a better relationship with her daughter than she’s ever had. I mean, I could go on and on, on and on. And I tell people, it started with five minutes of an app she listened to in the morning. That was it. But it led but consistent one. Yeah, but she never not did that. And it just grew and grew and grew. And it led into other things. And since everything is interconnected, it all, it all is it moved, it moved her in these different ways and it loosen different things and it gained confidence and she became happier. And then she started walking and then her daughter walked along with her and then she took control of this. And then she felt healthier and she had more energy and oh, then her business started getting better. And you know, the, the whole, the whole list. But, you know, you can take it back to just one small thing and she could have said, and she actually probably did say to me at one point, well, then it seems ridiculous. What is this gonna do? And now at three years later, she can, she knows exactly what it can do. And that’s what I wanna inspire people too, is like, this does not have to be some big grandiose vision for you changing your life. I like having big goals. I also like being realistic to say, I gotta change one thing first here, and it’s gotta start with me and it’ll, and eventually it, it it’ll be huge because remember it’s always slowly, slowly, slowly, and then suddenly. And that’s what we see in other successful people. We see the suddenly part when they become suddenly successful, we didn’t see all the slowly in advance and you have to embrace that. And be willing to go through that, to get to your sudden. And that’s where I think people fall short because they just start judging themselves and they don’t wanna do the small things because it feels insignificant. It feels like it doesn’t matter. They feel almost like a loser, honestly. And you’re going to your mind’s gonna tell you that, well, why can’t you just go and do that? Like somebody else, why do you have to start this small? Because that’s how our minds work. That’s how, how habit stacking works. That’s why you have to do it that way, whether you like it or not. And, hopefully that gives somebody inspiration, cuz I think people are holding back from doing things because they aren’t willing to go small at first.

Bunny: (59:22)
Wow. This is so good. And we could talk for hours I know I said that the last time you were here, but I thank you so much for that because it was so practical at the same time that we, I mean, we talked about, about the reason that these tiny practical steps are necessary. So, um, tell me real quickly, let’s talk about gratitude for a second. What are you really grateful for today?

Cari: (59:50)
Oh man, I’m grateful that I’m feeling good. I was sick for the last week and a half and you always, and you of all people know this, you always take for granted feeling good and being healthy right. Until you’re not right. And so it’s always a reminder that, oh man health is so, so important and I’m just grateful. I have it. And so I’m grateful. I’m feeling good today. Um, I’m grateful. Our whole family is feeling good and, and we made it through the, the sickness that we had and um, there’s many other things, but primarily I would say today that’s forefront of my mind. Nice.

Bunny: (01:00:19)
Cari thank you so much for being here again, really helpful to me and to Our listeners.

Cari: (01:00:24)
Absolutely. It’s always great to see you. You look wonderful. I’m so, grateful for your podcast and all the people you’re bringing on and the people you’re impacting. And if anybody wants to check out, just a free coaching call, they can just go to level up with cari.com. It’s just an easy place to go and wow. Uh, always a free call

Bunny: (01:00:42)
Level up with Cari and it’s C a R I.

Cari: (01:00:45)
Yeah, right? Yep.

Bunny: (01:00:47)
Okay. Maybe I’ll call you for one. Okay.

Cari: (01:00:49)
Thanks everybody.

Bunny: (01:00:52)
That’s all we’ve got today. Friends. I wanna thank you for joining the lifesaving gratitude podcast with your host bunny Terry that’s me and my producer and assistant Johanna Medina. We feel like we’re in the business of sharing the stories that save us and we hope you’ll share as well by letting your friends and family know about the podcast follow and like us wherever you listed. And please take the time to leave a review. Whether it’s a stellar comment or a suggestion, we are open to suggestions all the time. Also follow us on Instagram at live saving gratitude pod. You can also follow me personally at Bunny Terry, Santa Fe. You can sign up my website at bunnyterry.com to receive weekly emails about how to become the ultimate gratitude nerd. Thanks so much for checking in.